Is My Marriage Really as Bad as It Seems?
By Tracy Lane
“But I really did hate him the other night!” a friend admitted. “I wasn’t thinking it to be mean. Or even saying it out loud to hurt him. I really, truly felt like I actually hated him.”
We both laughed because we’ve both been there. It’s obviously a serious admission. Nothing to joke about. But it’s one of those things that when you hear someone else say it, you breathe a sigh of relief knowing you’re not alone. It reminds you your marriage isn’t as bad as it seems.
I would say my friend and her husband have a strong marriage. She’d say my husband and I have a strong marriage. Still, we both confessed that sometimes our thoughts about our marriages can be cavernous. And at times, those cavernous thoughts of despair have been pretty accurate to the state of our relationships too.
When is marriage as bad as it seems? Consider your marriage still worth the while if:
You wish it was better.
You’re in a really tough season. Maybe a set of tough years! But you haven’t given up hoping for and wanting things to get better.
You talk things out.
Maybe louder than you used to. Maybe less often than you used to. But you still see the value in bringing your concerns to each other, so your marriage probably isn’t as bad as it seems.
You still have sex.
Sure it might not be as hot as the honeymoon, but that was 15 years ago in an exotic location with no distractions. Engaging in somewhat regular sexual intimacy keeps you physically and emotionally bonded.
Sometimes the small things in marriage are relentless, which makes them crazy hard. Then our marriages encounter big, outside threats to our oneness … and even our future together. It can make you question or grieve the current state of your marriage.
It’s okay. Admit where you are. Confess the momentary (or prolonged) feelings to a friend. Then move forward in your fight for your marriage.
The Good Stuff: For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. (Psalm 107:9)
Action Points: What’s the current state of your relationship feel like? What are three things in your marriage that are actually going well? Maybe she still makes you laugh. Maybe he always manages the kids’ bedtime routines. Or maybe you just still trust God that your marriage can get better.
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