When Marriage Feels Like a Twisted Pretzel
By Ashford Sonii
Our little family was going through a huge transition, saturated with a minefield of decisions. In one moment of planning, the wires of our words got crossed and we both felt frustrated and misunderstood. An agonizing silence took over our home.
I wanted to be a godly leader and pursue coming back to oneness with my wife. But pride knotted my heart strings, making it hard to reach Olivia. Being the one to break the silence after a disagreement often makes my chest feel like a twisted pretzel.
There are moments in our marriage when we frustrate each other to the point where making any kind gesture feels difficult. Just because showing kindness is the right thing to do, doesn’t mean it's easy.
Olivia and I will both confess our marriage is A-MAZ-ZING, because it's true. But we’d be lying if we said there wasn’t suffering.
There’s suffering in our hearts when overcoming pride to resolve heated conversations. There’s suffering in our minds when prioritizing each other over a growing to-do list. There’s suffering in giving up self-centered ambitions to strengthen each other’s purpose for God’s glory.
When married life challenges self-interest, there’s an internal tug of war between making godly marriage choices versus pridefully selfish choices.
But God calls me to love Olivia like Christ loves the church. The suffering I feel in pursuing that call is the suffocation and death of my sinful desires. I gotta deny what Ashford wants and receive what God wants.
The good news is that when we die to ourselves daily, a 911 call to Jesus is all we need to resurrect God’s will in our marriage. He replaces impatience with patience, arrogance with humility, and hate with true love.
Ridding our ways of handling marriage for God’s way isn’t easy. But it starts with giving up pride. And I’ll take God’s way any day over being the married twisted pretzel that snaps.
What small steps could you make daily to pursue a stronger marriage? Read, “7 Healthy Habits of Marriage.”
The Good Stuff: And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)
Action Points:
- Pray and ask God to give you the strength and desire to deny yourself and love your spouse the way He calls you to.
- List three ways you can put your spouse's interests above your own this week.
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