Real FamilyLife®

Sex in 3-D?
By Janel Breitenstein

I love to study the science of story—particularly of love stories, as I am occasionally a total sap.

As an author, I love to watch a novelist or team of screenwriters at their craft—swelling the conflict, developing the personal metamorphoses and desires of the characters.

But there are also those movies or books where even if you don’t want to, you’re rooting for that starry-eyed couple finally getting it on (fade to black).

Because in the movie world, sex = ultimate intimacy. Even lustful sex, in all its 20 minutes of glory. And if we’d listen to pop culture, we’d think there’s nothing like first-time or I-can-hardly-get-my-clothes-off-in-time sex, whether the couple’s married or not.

Yes, there’s something mind-blowing about any couple’s first time together. Everything is new. Finally, you’re able to full-on enjoy each other. There are a few steamy weeks or months where you’re exploring each other like a hidden garden all your own (kind of like Song of Solomon).

But one of the beauties of normal, healthy, married lovemaking is the growing, layered knowledge and understanding of each other, the communication and variety. The little adjustments as you learn one another. The mutual honing of technique and familiarity with each other. The crazy memories (“Remember that time…!”).

Yes, the passion you still fan for each other. But also the ways you’ve journeyed, perhaps through pregnancy, repentance, grief, playfulness, or returning from an absence. We travel far beyond mere passion or desire.

And in that, I see God’s own fidelity—the depth of His steady companionship, His attentiveness, His generosity, and our intimate communion.

What makes both faith and married sex great isn’t just novelty. In fact, I’d say it makes that lusty, non-committal encounter one-dimensional. Meticulously cultivated, rewarding sex is the opposite.

It’s the person I’ve known and loved and walked with all along.

There’s more to a healthy sex life in marriage than you may think. Read “Why Your Marriage Needs Sex.”

The Good Stuff: He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. (Song of Solomon 2:4)

Action Points: Think specifically about ways you’re grateful for sex with your spouse—and how it demonstrates God to you. If this is a frustrating area in your marriage, could you consider seeking help, including other aspects influencing your sex life together?

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