Stop Hugging Yourself
By Ed Uszynski
Saw a short video the other day encouraging me to “hug myself.”
I get it. We all need a little affirmation in the midst of hectic daily life.
Self care? Hugely important. Not neglecting my own physical, emotional, and spiritual health? Of course.
But I’ve spent two decades of marriage trying to hug myself less. The last thing I need is encouragement to make sure my needs get met today.
In our first few years of marriage it hit me: I wanted to be a married guy living like he’s single.
When single, I came home at the end of a day, only talking if I felt like it, doing what I wanted when I wanted, thinking about how great it’d be if I had a wife.
What “married” meant to me was getting all sorts of selfish desires met, thinking as little as possible about anyone else.
Basically doing what I want, but having someone to do it with. Throw in some sex to go with it all and we’re rolling.
(I guess you can look that up. Basically the definition of selfish.)
I can hardly think of a marital problem that didn’t rise up as a result of me wanting what I want and Amy wanting what she wants and the stalemate that creates.
We’re just refined versions (and sometimes not so refined) of the self-absorbed, bratty kids in Willy Wonka—I want what I want and I want it NOW.
Crazy irony—Jesus says if I want to find fulfillment today, I need to die to myself, not hug myself (Luke 9:23).
So thanks but no thanks. “Hugging myself” sounds great but won’t really help me today.
It will only get me thinking about what other needs I have that I perceive aren’t being met, and that’s not usually helpful in my house.
Self-Care or selfishness? Learn the difference in this FamilyLife Blended® Minute.
The Good Stuff: Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. (1 Corinthians 10:24)
Action Points: Plan ahead. What’s one way you’ll die to yourself for the glory of God today?
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