I Plan on Falling Out of Love With You
By Janel Breitenstein
Most of us didn’t have to work too hard at passion when we were dating. But one Italian study found that the brain chemistry of that first flush lasts at most two years. (So we get some hormonal help with that one.)
Hmm. Add the one, carry the four … Those two years seem to be about three percent of the time we actually need marriage to last.
But if love is a choice, does passion in marriage really matter?
First, let’s look at the big picture. Passion is all about our pleasure in and excitement about each other. Delight and mystery and romance and fondness (or the lack thereof) are a sort of marital thermometer, cluing us in to whether things are tired, strained, or distant; or intentional, tender, and still discovering the wonder in each other. And passion breeds connection, oneness.
Paul holds up Jesus’ devotion to and gentle, purposeful care for His Bride as the pinnacle of marital love. In fact, in His recorded prayer for His bride before His death, Jesus pleads for this kind of closeness: “that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you” (John 17:21).
That kind of oneness is pretty far beyond a peck on the cheek before bedtime.
So passion does matter because marriage is a picture of Jesus and His church (see Ephesians 5:22-33)—Christian marriages are a mural for the world to observe, with each household creating brushstrokes on the canvas.
While these are larger reasons for passion between you, on an individual level, God delights in our happiness in each other. (“I don’t really want romance.” Said no one ever.) Our fondness and genuine affection for each other are a see-it-touch-it-feel-it expression of God’s pleasure in us. In romance, we see that we are completely known and completely loved.
If passion feeds closeness and oneness in your marriage, then what can you do to feed passion? Stoke the flames with a creative date night, that random love note, and a little bit of zing.
Keep reading for nine more ideas to feed the passion in your marriage.
The Good Stuff: Enjoy life with the wife whom you love. (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
Action Points: Be honest. What perpetually stands in the way of you and the closeness you crave? And what’s one definitive, no-excuses thing you could do about it?
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