What’s Your Bias?
July 22, 2019
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So, what’s your bias?
Social conversations about race and bias are much needed. I recognize my bias and I’m trying to manage it. But bias can even be toward people we love. One guy, who feared before his marriage that his wife would not commit to him, later said, “My wife reads her favorite books on marriage and family but she won’t read mine. Is this her putting her kids before me?” Hey, I think your confirmation bias won’t let you see what she is doing. Doubt is blinding you. What about you? Can you see your bias?
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The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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Hey, have you heard this one: “Two lips walk into a fight…”
Actually, it’s no joke. In the Bible Proverbs 18:6 says, “A fool’s lips walk into a fight.” Yes, what you say can start an argument. That’s true in many situations. But here’s a mistake parents and stepparents make with teens: when you’re irritated with them and immediately launch into a lecture assuming you know what’s motivating them. How much better to pause and ask a question about what’s going on behind the scenes. Listen first. Then if appropriate, you can always come back to the lecture.
July 19, 2019
Do you know what it’s like to be adopted?
Some do but most don’t have any idea. Or maybe, we do. Romans 8 reminds us that sin made us outsiders with God but through Christ God has adopted us as His children. What would happen if we opened our hearts to an outsider and invited them in? A lonely kid on the playground would have a friend. A new family member would be treated as if they belong. Someone of a different color would be welcome in your living room. And a newcomer to church would receive five invitations to lunch. Let’s adopt.
July 18, 2019
What right do you Christians have to tell us about marriage you can’t even get it right yourself?
Have you ever heard the argument that the divorce rate for Christian marriages is the same as for non-Christians? Well, that’s just not true. Actually, for those who practice their faith on a daily basis and regularly attend church, their divorce rate is just 15-20 percent. Far lower than the general population. Those who live the gospel within their marriage and family are happier and healthier than those who don’t. Your marriage can be a living testimony to the love of God. Let’s share it.
July 17, 2019
Sometimes life forces you to adapt and adjust.
Setting aside their hurt, Meredith and her former husband found a balance in the co-parenting of their children. Then he got married. His wife, the new stepmom, had opinions that changed the routines. Shouldn’t the decisions be made by the biological parents? Meredith asked. Why does the stepmom get a say? First, that’s between them; they decide how to run their home. Second, good co-parenting over time requires change. You may not like it, but for your kids’ sake, adapt and adjust.
July 16, 2019
Don’t you hate it when someone uses your words to excuse their behavior?
Some cohabiting blended family couples in a ministry leader's small group used my words as justification for living together. “Ron says dating single parents should invest time on the front end to help their kids adjust to the blended family.” These couples would say, living together is a good way to do that. No, it’s not. Cohabitation undoes more than it builds up, but even if it didn’t, it wouldn’t justify the sin of premarital sex. The ends don’t justify the means. Trust God and model purity.
July 15, 2019
Experiencing the love of Christ changes us.
What’s also cool is watching people experience His love and grace and then seeing them extend it to others. I’ve seen that played out in blended families over and over: A child abandoned by their parent begins to bloom under the loving care of a stepparent. A mother speaks well of her children’s stepmother and insists they respect her. What is happening is gratitude to God for His hand of mercy is pouring itself out in the form of love and grace toward others. This is how we change the world!
July 12, 2019
When the cat’s away, the mice will…try to play the other parent, that’s what!
In a lot of families one parent has to travel. It could be a business trip, visiting family, or a military deployment. And at times, one kid tries to play the parent left in charge. So, what do you do? Make sure you’re on the same page about rules and communicate your expectation that the kids cooperate with the remaining parent. This is really important in stepfamilies if the biological parent is the one leaving the home. Then, parent in charge, stand your ground, and follow through.
July 11, 2019
Today a word of caution about ambition.
Wait, you thought ambition was good, right? What could be so bad about striving to achieve your goals? You see, that’s just it. Relying on yourself is a subtle act of being independent of God; becoming your own god and that’s pride. That’s why David in Psalm 131 cautions us about ambition. “I have calmed and quieted my ambition,” he says. The better option? David encourages us to trust God and be content with what he provides. Are you trusting God or taking measures into your own hands?
July 10, 2019
Hey, honey, let’s keep our marriage a big secret.
Ladies, say your boyfriend wants to marry you but doesn’t want his elementary-aged kids to know you're married and he wants to live in separate homes to keep the secret. What? That’s not going to work! Marriage is anything but a big secret. If there’s anything I want my kids to know about marriage it’s that the rewards of marriage are costly. So, whatever you do, even if you love someone don’t attach yourself to them if they are unwilling to pay the cost or you will never reap the rewards.
July 9, 2019
Talking about problems, is sometimes problematic.
I saw online advice that assumed if you talk more it will lead to unity. Well, talking is the first step but if that doesn’t lead to agreement, talking more will only lead to more disagreement. With parenting you’ve got to come together around a practical plan that you can implement. If you can’t find agreement together involve a third party (the Bible, a person, a conference or a resource) that points you to what good parenting looks like. So, your talking moves you towards unity.
July 8, 2019
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.