Stepfamily Math
February 17, 2023
00:00
It’s time for a little stepfamily math.
A family of five has about 20 relationships to manage but what about a stepfamily of five? Well, add the ex-spouses, their new partners and their children and a stepfamily of five has 210 relationships to manage. Then there is the confused identity multiplier. The stepdad has one idea of his role, his wife has a second, his stepchildren, biological child and his wife’s ex-husband have others. That calculates to 420 relationships. No wonder stepfamilies are tired. Don’t worry we’ve got your back.
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Preparing to Blend
If you want to enter a blended family marriage well, this is the book for you. Aimed at engaged or pre-engaged couples who have at least one child from a previous relationship, Preparing to Blend offers wise counsel on parenting, finances, establishing family identity, and daily routines for your new life together. Within these pages you will learn how to: - predict common issues - define expectations - create solutions
Past Episodes
Out with the old and in with the new. But where do you start?
The Bible, in Ephesians 4, calls Christians to take off the old self and put on the new. A new righteous and holy self? How do I do that? Well, be renewed in the spirit of your minds, Paul says. Make a list of attitudes and behaviors you need to take off. Then review the fruit of the Spirt in Galatians 5:22. The goal is to renew your mind. Take off the old and put on the fruit. Get started today and build your list of attitudes to take off.
February 16, 2023
When performing a parenting musical composition, it’s important for parents to know their part.
The honorable “first chair” distinction is important for musicians. In a stepfamily on day one biological parents are first chair. The strength of their relationship and longevity with the child allows them to lead and play the solo moments when necessary. The stepparent on day one is second chair. Now, both are playing from the same sheet of parenting music and together their section sounds fuller and blends well when playing in harmony especially when they follow the conductor.
February 15, 2023
How do you celebrate marital oneness when your family isn’t one?
There may be many people wondering that this Valentine’s Day since this is a day to celebrate love and romance but what if there is strife in your extended family? Or maybe your blended family isn’t very blended. You two are doing great but you may have concerns for the kids. How do you enjoy a day like Valentines? Well, you may have to compartmentalize. No, not everything is hunky-dory, but thank God for your spouse and celebrate what is going well in your marriage. It’s okay to do that.
February 14, 2023
What are key stepping stones every stepfamily needs that will lead to healthy relationship building? Ron Deal and Gayla Grace discuss how perseverance, flexibility, commitment, Christ-likeness and other core attributes work together to create familyness.
February 13, 2023
How does being loved by God help you to love others?
Have you noticed that loving God and being loved by God helps us to love others and vice versa. So, when I rest in my love relationship with God, I won’t idolize someone else’s love for me because I’m already loved. Conflict stings a little less. Apologies come more quickly. Forgiveness is easier to grant. And self-respect shows itself in both sacrifice and sometimes saying, “No.” In stepfamilies, resting in God’s love provides stability and gives you a sense of worth even when rejected.
February 10, 2023
You know, we really shouldn’t be surprised when our children misbehave.
Why not? Well, because in the Bible Proverbs 22 says, ”Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” This verse reminds me of the parent educator who said we spend the first 18 months of our child’s life meeting their every desire, and then spend the next 18 years trying to get that expectation out of them. But that’s the good news of this verse—moral teaching drives foolishness away. Be encouraged parents and stepparents and just stay after it.
February 9, 2023
Here’s a dilemma: How do you find permanence in a relationship without making a permanent commitment?
You know what a wedding is, right? It’s the day a man and a woman draw a line in the sand and step over it together. I’ve heard some people argue that living with someone is essentially the same thing. Then I say, “Oh, so it won’t matter is you go ahead and get married then.” To which they start backpedaling pretty fast. People intuitively know that marriage is different. Paper may not make a difference, but commitment does. Do you want permanence? Choose permanence.
February 8, 2023
Family meetings. It might be worth trying.
Some of you have already benefitted from my article on family meetings. This testimony from a stepdad explains why they can be so much more than just a meeting. “We started family meetings by necessity,” he told me. “We kept running into walls with the kids so we decided to get together and talk about it. At first the meetings were all problem centered. But then we realized we could get proactive. Now, looking back it did more than solve problems. We figured out how to be a family.”
February 7, 2023
Stepparents, don’t just aim for love, earn their trust.
To have healthy relationships it really takes love and trust. One without the other doesn’t make for a solid relationship. Now, especially for adopted children, foster children, and stepchildren trust opens the door to love. Build trust by being emotionally and physically safe to be around; by showing them that you are committed and you’ll never leave them; and by loving them on their worst day. And be trustworthy. Be a person they can trust and you’ll be a person they can love.
February 6, 2023
Anytime we experience loss, we become fearful of more loss.
John's mom has been married for two years and he told me, “I’m afraid of getting close to anyone in my family. With all we’ve lived through, I keep waiting for bad things to happen all over again.” His 14-year-old brother, Randy said, “I want to get close to my stepdad but not too close.” I totally understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. But fear just paralyzes you and makes it hard to laugh and love. Don’t deny your fear. Face it. Talk to God about it. And overcome it with love.
February 3, 2023
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Preparing to Blend
If you want to enter a blended family marriage well, this is the book for you. Aimed at engaged or pre-engaged couples who have at least one child from a previous relationship, Preparing to Blend offers wise counsel on parenting, finances, establishing family identity, and daily routines for your new life together. Within these pages you will learn how to: - predict common issues - define expectations - create solutions
About FamilyLife Blended®
FamilyLife Blended® provides biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.
About Ron L. Deal
Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart Stepfamily, The Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the country. Ron and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.
Contact FamilyLife Blended® with Ron L. Deal
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http://www.familylife.com/
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