Start a Ministry
January 1, 2019
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What you mean start one ourselves? Can we do that?
All over the world, couples are starting marriage education groups and churches are hosting events to help marriages. Roger said, “My wife and I started a small group for stepfamily couples in our home. It’s working! Everybody loves the fellowship and lives are being changed.” One ordinary couple plus a practical resource can equal changed lives for the glory of God. If you’ve ever benefitted from somebody sharing an encouraging word maybe it’s time you encouraged somebody else. You can do this.
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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How do you fill a hole in a child’s heart?
The stats on fatherlessness and disengaged dads are heart-breaking and far reaching into the fabric of society. I often hear from the moms, stepdads, grandparents, and ministry leaders who care for these kids. They ask, “How do you help an abandoned child?” While you can’t fill every gap, what you can do and what’s most powerful to do is to love them. Show up. Mentor. Play the role of coach or cheerleader. Kids are blessed to have someone love them over time and don’t forget to cry with them.
December 31, 2018
So what’s your level of love?
French abbot Bernard of Clairvaux said there are four levels of love. First, the lowest level is to love myself solely. (That’s not love. That’s being self-absorbed.) Second, to love you for my sake. (That’s using people.) Third, to love you for your sake. (That’s more like it. Selflessness.) But the highest level of love, he said, is to love myself for your sake. Didn’t Jesus say to love your neighbor as yourself? Knowing you’re valuable so you can give yourself away sounds like Jesus to me.
December 28, 2018
When someone you care about becomes unavailable to you, what do you do?
Most of us find a way to voice our hurt. We get angry or critical or pursue more attention. When a stepfamily forms kids often lose connection with their parent who is understandably invested in a new marriage. So, parents, maintain touch points with little rituals that communicate love and closeness like a special look or phrase you share. Or a bedtime story or activity that keeps you connected. When you can’t be together physically make use of technology—video chat, texting, or a phone call.
December 27, 2018
I need help, Ron. I’ve got a sassy teenager.
Maria is a new stepmom with a 15-year-old stepson who she described as sassy and disrespectful. Maria, you’re not alone. Any parent with a teenager—even a biological parent—recognizes these attitudes. It’s part of the territory. Not knowing your role and having a distant relationship with him doesn’t help either. So, lower your expectations. When you stepson is disrespectful let your husband take the lead. And even though your stepson acts like you’re invisible, don’t disappear. Stay engaged.
December 26, 2018
Ahhh. Can you feel that? It’s the magic of Christmas!
It’s not like there’s extra grace or Holy Spirit power floating around on this day. And yet, it does seem that believers and nonbelievers alike are more selfless. Maybe it’s the giving nature of the season that softens our hearts. All family relationships get strained occasionally. Maybe this magical season is your opportunity to give the gift of forgiveness and restore a relationship. A long time ago that’s just what a little baby born in a manger did and we’re still celebrating!
December 25, 2018
Oh, sure. Everyone knows the Golden Rule.
No, the Golden Rule is NOT “do unto others before they can do it to you.” That’s the sibling black-and-blue rule. The Golden Rule, as stated by Jesus in Luke 6 is “Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you.” But what about the other rules just before this verse? Jesus says to give to those in need, turn the other cheek when mistreated, bless those who curse you, and love your enemies. Those not-so-golden rules don’t guarantee me much of anything. Except to be like Jesus.
December 24, 2018
Do you know what goes well together? Grandparents and Christmas!
Christmas is a natural time to connect the generations. Sometimes stepfamilies are still trying to figure that out. Some stepgrandparents fall into that role because someone else decided to get married. The bonding process between the generations is dependent upon the motivation of all the people. The stepgrandparent, the adult child, and the stepgrandchild. This Christmas take advantage of your opportunities. Talk. Share. Play games. There are memories to be made and a Savior to share.
December 21, 2018
Do you have a plan for your work day or future goals? How about a parenting plan?
Here are some more stepparent do’s and don’ts. Do make sure the biological parent has your back. Without that your authority is going to fall flat. And when you have a disagreement, and you will, settle it in private. Don’t unilaterally change rules. Get together with the biological parent and make the changes together. And, finally do communicate with the biological parent. In fact, over communicate and if you’re uncertain about something talk about it together before giving the kids an answer.
December 20, 2018
Less than half of engaged couples with kids discuss how they they’re going to parent those kids after the wedding. Hey, that’s not a good idea.
It's vital to have a plan so here are practical do’s and don’ts for stepparents. Do strive for unity in your parenting with the biological parent. Discuss your values, expectations, the boundaries you want to set, and the consequences you’ll implement if the rules are broken. Don’t be harsh or punish in a way that the biological parent wouldn’t. And, do deepen your relationship with the children no matter their age. Relationship adds to your leadership and influence in the family.
December 19, 2018
Yeah, I know we don’t have a pilot, but let’s fly anyway.
Laura was a single mom with two teenagers who'd dated a guy for years and she was ready to get married. But he wasn’t. “Am I being selfish,” she asked me. Well, maybe not selfish, but certainly unwise. She overlooked the conflict between her daughter and her boyfriend. And she was convinced he would be a good father-figure to her son—even though he said he didn’t really want to be. Quit ignoring air traffic control. Don’t take off unless the pilot’s onboard and everyone is safely in their seat.
December 18, 2018
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.