Slow to Anger (Proverbs 16:32)
June 5, 2019
00:00
When it comes to social justice, facing adversity with self-control has the biggest impact.
People like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Nelson Mandela insisted on peaceful protests that invited the world to listen. They understood what Proverbs 16 teaches: being slow to anger is better than being mighty and that self-control is powerful. Strength under control carries influence. Are you patient with those who frustrate or mistreat you? Assertively speaking up for what God declares good without using anger as a weapon of choice? If not, make your home a better place by controlling yourself.
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The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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No, you don’t judge a book by its cover. Or a family for that matter.
A teacher asked a student about her family. The girl mentioned she had a stepmom, but, then was quick to clarify they didn’t say “stepmom or stepchild” in their family. It’s interesting. Family rules about what we call each other can create a lot of pressure especially on kids. But terms don’t necessarily represent the heart. What you say to others about your family is not necessarily indicative of how you feel. So give kids in complex families the freedom to use terms that make sense to them.
June 4, 2019
Try being gentle in your assertiveness.
Christians somehow think being assertive is a bad idea but I think the problem is more about how you deliver your assertiveness. Most people use a rude or angry tone. Try being gentle. With a former spouse you might calmly say, “Please stop sharing your opinions about my family with our child. You’re putting him in the middle and I know you don’t want to hurt him. Thanks.” It’s okay to be assertive—even Jesus was assertive. Just take out the rude and put in the gentle. In love, speak the truth.
June 3, 2019
An axe can split a block of wood and a whisper can divide a relationship.
What? An axe uses force to splinter; a whisper doesn’t have any force. Oh, yes it does. Proverbs 16 tells us that a gossip causes close friends to distrust each other just by whispering to one about the other. Gossip has the power to bully a girl at school or break up business partners and in blended families, insiders who gossip about the outsiders can easily keep a family divided forever. Listen, don’t talk about people. Talk to them. Bring together, don’t split apart.
May 31, 2019
Sometimes, make-believe tells us a lot about real life.
In the first role-play scenario I ask a mom and dad to enter their house and discover a messy kitchen. The kids had good intentions but left a mess. Then we replay the scenario and I make only one change: a parent and a stepparent enter the house. It’s amazing how different the situation plays out the second time. Instead of being united and asking the kids to clean up, the parents turn on each other. Sound familiar? Blended families, we can teach you why this happens and how to stand together.
May 30, 2019
You know, when you shoot par for the course, you’re doing pretty good.
Jennifer was worried about the different levels of openness her kids felt toward their stepfather of four years. She wondered if it was normal. Part of her problem was comparing her blended family to a first-family where it’s normal for kids to generally feel the same about their parent. But in a stepfamily, this is normal. The kids don’t have to feel the same; just let each relationship stand on its own. Yep, this is par for the stepfamily course which means you’re doing okay.
May 29, 2019
“Ron, what kind of issues come with growing up in a stepfamily?”
A woman I was talking to clearly was wrestling with her childhood. Her parents divorced when she was young. Her mother was devastated; her father quickly married and threw himself into “his new family.” This woman became her mom’s caretaker and hated her stepmom. No one was safe for her. Parents in complex families do a better job when they step inside their children’s shoes, consider how they feel, and remain a stable presence. The transitions for them are hard. They need you to understand.
May 28, 2019
And now, three ways to undermine a stepparent.
A biological parent wants their spouse—the stepparent—to be successful. But a parent inadvertently undermines the stepparent when they repeatedly defend their child, try to control how close they become, or mediate problems between their spouse and the children. The parent wants to reduce conflict and increase closeness; but it can have the opposite effect. As much as you can, let the stepparent and your children work out their relationship. The bridge they build together is much more stable.
May 27, 2019
Have you ever run down the road only to discover, it’s a dead end?
The book of Proverbs in the Bible repeats twice—word for word—this observation. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” There are many dead-end roads. Many blended families begin because someone did what seemed right to them and it destroyed a family. And later on, they picked up the pieces and started another one but what do you do now? Stop running down your own dead-end road. Rest in God’s forgiveness and start walking his path.
May 24, 2019
Travel to a foreign land and you’ll realize what you consider normal.
Crossing cultures helps you recognize that you take language, society, and relationships for granted. And other people, who have a different normal, have a hard time understanding you. The same thing applies in different types of families. If you live in a blended family find others who also live in a stepfamily. Talk about life with those in a first family and you might end up feeling abnormal. Find others who also live in Stepfamily-land and you might discover your family is pretty normal.
May 23, 2019
Hey parents, you can’t have it both ways.
Have you ever received a double message? Like when a friend tells you it’s okay that you didn’t call them, but then is mad that you didn’t call them. One trap in stepfamily parenting is when the biological parent clearly wants the stepparent to be a part of the parenting process, but then undercuts their authority and decisions. This is confusing and defeating to the stepparent. Either they are part of the team or they are not a part of your life. I suggest you make them part of the team.
May 22, 2019
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.