Seek Out Wise Counsel
November 18, 2016
00:00
So you may be asking me, what one piece of advice would you give blended families?
Family life is stressful. Blended family living is no different. My advice is simple. Seek out every help you can find. Mentors. Counselors. Websites. Resources. And a local stepfamily ministry. But here's the catch on that one. Very few churches actually have a stepfamily ministry. But more and more marriage ministries are catching the vision for how they can be a support to stepfamilies. In the meantime, seek out answers and support you need. Maybe in the process you’ll help somebody else.
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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One of the keys to successfully combining a blended family is time.
Microwaves are fast and convenient but some dishes need the slow cooking process of a Crockpot. Stepfamilies are like that. It takes time to adjust to new living conditions, new parenting styles, rules, responsibilities, and time to build a family identity. As a matter of fact, the average stepfamily needs many years for this to happen. So keep being intentional about building your family but don’t forget to stop and enjoy the family you are today. The Crockpot will take care of tomorrow.
November 17, 2016
On his way out the door, he looked me in the eye and said, “Take care of your marriage.”
This friend of mine had come to FamilyLife for a series of meetings. He’s well aware that I’m a family author, conference speaker, and a licensed marriage and family therapist with nearly three decades of experience, but still he said to me, “Take care of your marriage.” I really respect him for it. None of us are immune to temptation or has a resume that will allow us to get relationally lazy. Protecting our marriage and family relationships demands diligence, intentionality, and God’s wisdom.
November 16, 2016
Do you want to rise above the clutter? Walk your talk.
Many people claim things about themselves and make promises but few people live up to them. It’s always been that way. Proverbs 20 warns us that many people profess their loyalty and kindness, but few are faithful to it. That was the norm. That’s why today as people who reflect Christ to the world we should strive, in this case, to be abnormal. Don’t make promises you can’t keep and be honest and faithful in your business practices and dealings with friends and family. Walk your talk.
November 15, 2016
Hovering, overbearing parents squash kids.
Hovering parents, sometimes called helicopter parents, stay on top of their kids. “When are you going to get your homework done?” “Did you take out the trash yet?” You may be trying to teach responsibility but you’re really telling the kids they aren’t capable. That’s debilitating and when it comes from a stepparent, it’s even worse. It short circuits your developing relationship and makes you feel unsafe to be around. To build up a child coach them from the side, not force them from the top.
November 14, 2016
“Thank you for your service.”
I was walking through an airport and a man near me walked up to two military servicemen he didn't know and said, “Thank you for your service.” It got me thinking. It’s pretty easy for me to be disconnected from the sacrifices our military personnel make. Stories around Veteran’s Day always put a face on the sacrifices made, but it’s easy to forget. That's why I now make it a practice to walk up to military personnel I don’t know and say, “Thank you.” Perhaps you’ll join me.
November 11, 2016
Expecting too much, too soon from a stepparent can lead to disaster.
Sometimes children are naturally affectionate with stepparents but not always. So, let me make a suggestion to stepparents. Notice your stepchildren’s level of affection with you and match it. Find the kiss, hug, wink, wrestle, high five or fist bump they prefer and go with that. Today anyway, and trust that tomorrow might open the door to something new. When it comes to stepparenting small steps get you much further down the road than forcing really big ones.
November 10, 2016
You’ve heard it before. I’ll say it again. Laughter is good medicine!
When asked what her advice to stepfamilies would be one stepmom said, “Laugh and be silly. Because there are rough times and struggles and obstacles and there are tears. But if you can laugh as a family you’ll find your way through.” She’s right. Laughter reduces tension in stressful situations. It lightens the mood. But more importantly, laughter helps you not take yourself so seriously. Finding a way to chuckle even in the midst of the struggle will help you survive the moment and press on.
November 9, 2016
So, are we family or are we not?
God is relational and we, as his image-bearers, also, have a deep need for connection. So when a child can’t win a parent’s approval, a spouse feels unimportant to their partner, or when a stepcouple feels like their family isn’t coming together; anxiety and fear set in. Essentially they are asking, “Am I important to you or not?” and that question adds to what gets in the way of finding connection. It’s much better to act out of your love for them than worry about their love for you.
November 8, 2016
Is alcohol abuse alive and well in your home? If so, it’s time to send it packing.
According to Proverbs 20, overindulging in wine and strong drink turns us into fools, creates conflict, and leads us astray. But the drinker is not the only one led astray. Think about the kids in the home. We all know drugs and alcohol can affect any family, but kids from divorced or separated homes and stepfamilies are five times as likely to live with someone with a substance abuse problem. I’m not casting stones; I just want to encourage you: if this is your family, please get help.
November 7, 2016
Have you ever noticed that fear leads us to try and take control?
Have you ever noticed that fear leads us to try and take control? If we’re worried about our children we guilt them into making different choices. When we’re afraid our spouse doesn’t really love us as much as we want we criticize them hoping that they will love us more. And we argue with God so he will fix our lives the way we want him to. Psalm 46 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” What if fear instead of leading us to take control, led us to give up control and trust God more.
November 4, 2016
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.