Say What You Need
August 25, 2015
We all have needs in relationships. A spouse will barrage their mate with an avalanche of words, but never simply say, “I need more time with you.” A teenager will break a few rules and be obstinate instead of saying, “I don’t like who I am; I need more encouragement from you.” Or a stepparent who feels rejected by a stepchild might withdraw instead of admitting they feel awkward. Being direct and transparent can be clumsy but getting to the point makes connection far more likely.
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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Stepparents, when kids are in your home part-time bonding can feel like it’s one step forward and two steps back. And, biological parents can wrestle with balancing time to connect with expecting the child to contribute around the home. So here’s the deal. All you can do is all you can do. If circumstances limit your time together, make the most of it as best you can, but realize you can’t overcome every barrier. Hey, even chores can be opportunities for conversation, training, and big hugs.
August 24, 2015
That was the question a 62-year-old woman asked. She and her husband both have adult children and grandchildren. She loves being with his family, but wants to go visit her grandkids when her husband is at work. Compartmentalizing your time and relationships like this can be a healthy thing for stepfamilies. Spending exclusive time with your kids renews the hearts of those who have experienced a loss. All things in balance, give time to new relationships and the entire stepfamily, too.
August 21, 2015
The freedom to drive does not mean you get to drive anywhere you want. The highway department and other things determine that. Sometimes there is only one lane and sometimes there are multiple lanes. That’s when you get to choose. Good parenting is like being the highway department. We set the boundaries for our kids and teach them where and how fast they can drive. The combination of freedom and boundaries, and a few tickets every now and then, makes for a well-trained driver.
August 20, 2015
When we feel insecure in a relationship we sometimes push the other person away so we don’t get hurt. One dad wrote to me, “I have a fear of trusting my new wife. So I push her away and at the same time I draw my kids closer.” In a blended family when one spouse draws close to their kids, to the detriment of their marriage, we have a big problem. So, what should this guy do? He should ask God for help to find out what he’s afraid of and start loving in spite of the risk with his whole heart.
August 19, 2015
Customer service varies. In one restaurant they smile and eagerly serve, while the next one does the opposite. Proverbs 11 suggests, “A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself.” Simple kindness goes a long way whether we’re talking customer service or relationships. Try this experiment. For the next 24 hours, treat everyone in your home with kindness and see if it doesn’t bring benefit to you, too.
August 18, 2015
Stepparents say, “my kids,” when referring to their stepchildren so they sometimes wonder why kids struggle to use the term, “mom" or "dad” when referring to them. Well, kids are loyal to their parents and they don’t want to hurt their feelings. Reserving the “mom” or “dad” label for just one person keeps it special. Stepparents, just relax about this. Labels are not the issue. Your role in the life of each child is. And that rose, by any other name, does smell just as sweet.
August 17, 2015
I’m not sure where you might find love, but I do know how you should look. Here’s the dater’s prayer. “Lord, work out your kingdom agenda in me. I am yours. If you bring someone into my life who submits to your will then let me not miss your provision. And if not, let me be content and at ease in my singleness.” Whether single or married, God is our provider. Not friends, family or a spouse. Once you find rest in trusting the Lord, your ability to date with wisdom is magnified tremendously.
August 14, 2015
Generally speaking, couples who date a year or longer have a stronger relationship when they marry. This is also true for single parents but keep in mind just because the couple is ready doesn’t mean the family is. You can have a high quality couple relationship but not know how you are going to merge your families. Take time to date thoroughly and bring the kids along in the process. This may take months but better to take it slow and progress as a group than move fast and fracture your family.
August 13, 2015
It’s okay to date someone a few times, but once you think the relationship has potential, it’s time to tell your kids. The fit between your kids and your dating partner should be a huge factor in whether you have a future with this person. So, start the “family-dating” process long before you even think about getting engaged. Dating well matters because it makes the transition to a healthy stepfamily after the wedding a lot easier.
August 12, 2015
Some believe you shouldn’t date unless you’re open to marriage; others believe casual dating is okay. I believe either should be purposeful. For instance, don’t date a non-believer. And, protect young children. Kids under five bond fast and then they are hurt when the person is no longer around. Finally, date with purity and balance consistent with how you taught your kids. Even empty nest parents need to model how to handle infatuation and put God at the center of their relationship.
August 11, 2015
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.