Parenting: Parent Projections
October 25, 2016
00:00
Movie theatres project an image on to a screen. Sometimes people project frustrations.
Sometimes you come home from work frustrated and you kick the dog. Other times, we project our feelings onto other relationships. Say a husband feels disrespected by his wife but avoids verbalizing his need but when she speaks to the kids in the same way he rescues them. He assumes they feel the same disrespect he does. The point is, he’s fighting their battle because it’s really his own. You can’t improve your relationship that way. Speak directly to your need, don’t be a projector.
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The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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Can you imagine being caught behind enemy lines?
On social media I suggested that children who live between homes are like people who hold citizenship in two countries. They belong in each and want peace. In response one follower posted: “If parents only knew how much that would change their child’s life. I’m 43 years old and my parents have been divorced for 37 of them, yet I still feel like I’m behind enemy lines when I visit or speak about the other parent.” Parents and stepparents--forgive and negotiate peaceful relations for everyone.
October 24, 2016
I don’t live in a stepfamily, do I?
If you are an adult and your mom or dad remarries you become a stepchild and your children have a stepgrandparent. Or if an ex-spouse remarries, now you’re part of a multi household stepfamily. Or maybe one of your siblings has become a stepparent. That makes you a stepuncle or aunt. Currently, one in three Americans has a step relationship of some kind and it’s projected that one in two Americans will have a step relationship at some point in their lifetime.
October 21, 2016
So did you hear the story about the stepmom who was reading Cinderella to her stepchildren?
Did you hear about the stepmom who was reading Cinderella to her stepchildren? She was pretty clever to change the wording and inserted these words, “The stresses of being a single mom added to the dilemmas of being a stepmom, made Cinderella’s stepmother appear to be wicked sometimes." Humor and simple kindness are the antidotes to negative stereotypes. Not all stepmoms are wicked. Not all stepdads are abusive. When you smile and act with kindness towards your stepchildren they will know that.
October 20, 2016
Are you struggling in your marriage? Stay the course.
Many married couples are struggling. Take a lesson from successful stepfamily couples. Research reveals that compared to those who give in to divorce, successful couples do three things. They work hard at communicating well; they persist in problem-solving meaning, when they get stuck they change how they approach the problem till they find a solution; and they deal with their larger family issues, like stepparenting. Hey, this is hard work. Don’t give up. Be an overcomer. Stay the course.
October 19, 2016
The legacy you leave it rooted in the life you live.
We want our kids and grandkids to have it better than us, right? A sobering principle in Scripture suggests that is in part up to us. The Bible points out that idolatrous actions result in consequences to the third and fourth generation. In other words, making money your idol steals a blessing from your descendants and being sexually undisciplined creates an irresponsible generational pattern that gets repeated. The next time you choose selfishness thinking “I’m not hurting anyone,” think again.
October 18, 2016
When people of many ethnicities gather in social situations the privilege class feels comfortable as “owners of the house” while minorities often feel like guests. But what’s best for everyone is for minorities to feel like “owners,” too. The same principle is true in stepfamilies. Unless the stepparent invites the biological parent to become a full-fledged member of the parenting team, they’re just a guest and unless extended family members welcome each other, they stay divided.
October 17, 2016
I have a friend who was a single mom and now she's married. She said, "I waited so long for a partner to help me parent and now that he’s here I’m having a hard time letting him be part of the team.”
It’s a fairly common dynamic. Not because biological parents are overprotective or controlling like sometimes they are accused of but because they are used to making all the decisions. Here’s my tip. Slow down. Don’t give the kids an answer right away. Take time and include the stepparent. Yes, you'll have to work at it but it's worth it. That's how you teach your kids respect for their stepparent and then everybody wins.
October 14, 2016
I have a friend who was a single mom and now she's married. She said, "I waited so long for a partner to help me parent and now that he’s here I’m having a hard time letting him be part of the team.”
It’s a fairly common dynamic. Not because biological parents are overprotective or controlling like sometimes they are accused of but because they are used to making all the decisions. Here’s my tip. Slow down. Don’t give the kids an answer right away. Take time and include the stepparent. Yes, you'll have to work at it but it's worth it. That's how you teach your kids respect for their stepparent and then everybody wins.
October 13, 2016
The game “Hide and Seek” was fun as a kid; not so much as an adult.
Have you ever had a friend disappear because they fell in love? It’s not fun is it? What if you were the one doing the hiding? Technology allows us to run off and hide from those we love. One spouse disappears into Facebook while the other one checks work e-mail yet again before bed. Friends go to dinner but text other people while they sit there. Single parents Facetime a new dating partner while their children wait off camera. Let’s get disciplined. Unhook. Don’t play hide and seek. Get found.
October 12, 2016
One way to keep the oxygen flowing to your marriage is to steal a kiss.You’re not really stealing anything. You’re drawing on the bank account of your affection. But what you are stealing is a moment. A moment out of a hectic day. A moment away from parenting. You see “the kiss” is a much needed point of connection. Research shows that when you have various “stealing a kiss” routines, you oxygenate your marriage. Things like a warm hug before leaving for work or a shared recreational activity all help sustain your marriage. So, find your moment and steal a kiss.
October 11, 2016
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.