Negotiating Romance & Partnership
June 6, 2018
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What’s a wedding, without a honeymoon!
Did you ever notice blended family couples don’t get a honeymoon? They get a few days together after the wedding but they don’t get time together before kids come along. Deuteronomy 24 affirms that couples need time to bond and establish their home. But stepfamily couples don’t get that. Instant family means instant responsibilities. They negotiate romance and partnership at the same time. It is what it is. Work at this. Be intentional. It’s harder to solidify your marriage but you can do this.
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Preparing to Blend
If you want to enter a blended family marriage well, this is the book for you. Aimed at engaged or pre-engaged couples who have at least one child from a previous relationship, Preparing to Blend offers wise counsel on parenting, finances, establishing family identity, and daily routines for your new life together. Within these pages you will learn how to: - predict common issues - define expectations - create solutions
Past Episodes
“Ron, my family is living proof that dysfunction breeds dysfunction.”
Julie was the youngest of 10 children in a blended family. Nine of the 10 kids had been divorced and remarried. Over the years, her family experienced hurt feelings, abuse, kids getting kicked out of the home—all while she felt powerless to change it. But Julie found the Lord and a church home, and through our ministry discovered how her stepfamily can break the generational pattern of divorce. She learned that hurting families “really is an epidemic,” but your family can break the cycle.
June 5, 2018
When two people you love are in conflict—don’t’ get caught in the triangle.
Say, a child tells their biological parent something negative about the parent’s spouse—the stepparent. Listen and acknowledge the child’s feelings but avoid resolving the problem. That might inadvertently create an unhealthy alliance against your spouse and don’t speak up for your spouse or that might minimize the child’s feelings. Either way you’re stuck in the middle and they haven't figured it out yet. Listen, validate, and then say: “Let’s talk about how you two can work this out.”
June 4, 2018
One quality of those who go the distance in their marriage and family is perseverance.
“When the storm has swept by,” says Proverbs 10, “the wicked are gone but the righteous stand firm forever.” Like the wise man in Matthew 7, this proverb suggests that we can stand against the rain and the wind by trusting in and putting into practice the words of Jesus. Family life can be stormy sometimes. Whether you are single or married, a single parent or a stepparent, a grandparent or a foster parent be determined not to give in to family stress or give up to hopelessness.
June 1, 2018
What’s your working definition of love?
Hallmark had an old ad campaign that captures the essence of what love does. Their slogan, “When you care enough to send the very best.” Now let’s replace the word, “send” with “give." When you care enough to give the very best. The best of what? Yourself. Whether we’re talking about a spouse or a child or another family member that pretty well captures what love does. That’s what Jesus did. He gave the best of himself for us and that’s what we should do today for each other.
May 31, 2018
“Teacher, my throat hurts.”
“Does it hurt when you swallow?” she asked. “No, it hurts all the time. It hurts because my parents were screaming so loud at each other I had to scream even louder to get them to stop.” Oh, that’s different. When home life is stressed, kids are stressed. They carry it through life just like we do. There have been seasons of my marriage that stressed my kids and I could see it on their faces. We got help and I could see that on their faces, too, If you’re struggling at home, reach out, get help.
May 30, 2018
All right people. It’s time to put on your thick skin.
Tammy worked really hard to make everyone in her stepfamily feel like they belonged. But after two years, she still complained that when their six adult children came over for dinner she would “lose her husband” to his kids. Look, it’s common for parents to feel pulled between their kids and their spouse—and someone usually feels left out. But it helps if you put on your thick skin and not be so sensitive. Making every moment a test of loyalty likely means you feel like your family is failing.
May 29, 2018
To be a successful stepmom, do what successful stepmoms do.
Karen called to tell me that her relationship with her stepdaughter had gotten much better after several years. “What did you do to get there?” I asked. Her advice was gold: Remember that kids have a different perspective than you, so don’t take everything personally, she said. Never talk negatively about their biological mom and know your place. You’re not the parent so don’t try to push your way in. Be their friend first and it will grow from there. Bottom line: Just love them as best you can.
May 28, 2018
Could it be true that Cinderella was right and stepmothers really are wicked?
Of course, we wouldn't say that. Did you know that the original version of Cinderella portrayed a mother as the wicked parent? Apparently, people had a hard time believing that a mother could do that so the Brothers Grimm later changed the story to a wicked stepmother. I think it’s time we change the story again. The next time you hear someone throw a stepmom under the bus let them know that you are grateful for the millions of stepmothers who are loving and caring for children not their own.
May 25, 2018
Ever since Adam and Eve people have been playing it—the blame game.
You know how to play it, right? Something’s not right in your world so you find someone to blame. When there is conflict in a relationship, you blame the other person for their part, completely ignoring your part. Blended families do this, too. May I suggest you look in the mirror. Focusing on your part astronomically improves the odds that you can change the situation. You know, Jesus told us what to do. “First, take the log out of your own eye.”
May 24, 2018
Man, we sure are fickle about commitment.
Did you hear? Couples can now buy commitment rings—not as a symbol of marital commitment—but to keep your partner from cheating on you…on Netflix. Yeah, I’m serious. These rings sync with the streaming service so you can’t watch unless both rings are together. The irony, of course, is that many cohabiting couples will insist on this new approach to Hulu fidelity, but not a wedding ring. Let me ask you, in a world of fickle values about commitment, who are you listening to?
May 23, 2018
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Featured Offer
Preparing to Blend
If you want to enter a blended family marriage well, this is the book for you. Aimed at engaged or pre-engaged couples who have at least one child from a previous relationship, Preparing to Blend offers wise counsel on parenting, finances, establishing family identity, and daily routines for your new life together. Within these pages you will learn how to: - predict common issues - define expectations - create solutions
About FamilyLife Blended®
FamilyLife Blended® provides biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.
About Ron L. Deal
Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart Stepfamily, The Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the country. Ron and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.
Contact FamilyLife Blended® with Ron L. Deal
E-mail
email@familylife.com
email@familylife.com
Website
http://www.familylife.com/
http://www.familylife.com/
FamilyLife ®
100 Lake Hart Drive
Orlando FL 32832
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