Keep on Trucking
August 1, 2019
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Today, a word of encouragement to stepparents: just keep on trucking.
We all do and say childish things. That’s why I love it when someone grows up, gains perspective, and then reflects back on who they were. Jason’s online post is a good example. “We’re going to be angry,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re the best stepdad ever; it’s not your fault. At 15 I felt like something was wrong with me or my mom and it made me mad. But don’t despair, stepparents, we usually come around. Keep on trucking. You make a difference even if your stepchild can’t admit it.”
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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Are you so bold as to insult God?
Proverbs 17:5 says that when you mock the poor, you insult their Maker. After all, they are made in His image. To disparage them is to speak against God. Have you ever made a passing sarcastic remark about a homeless person? And if you made that remark in front of a child or an unbeliever, you insult God and you make faith less attractive. Look, you may have just given your last ten bucks to a homeless person but at the next corner take kindness out of your wallet. You always have that to give.
July 31, 2019
The notion that “All you need is love” just isn’t true.
Every relationship needs more than just love. It needs faithfulness. Imagine a friend who repeatedly breaks promises, or a spouse who says, “I love you with all my heart,” then keeps a lover on the side. That won’t work. No faithfulness. No trust. No emotionally safety. No relationship. Faithfulness goes double in blended families because stepfamilies are inherently fragile but trust adds stability and moves you toward love and bonding. Ask yourself, can the people in your life trust you?
July 30, 2019
Ron, how do I tell my mom I need to get away from my stepdad?
Mitchell was 18 when he asked that question. His stepfather had been harshly critical and he couldn’t bear it any more. He had provoked him to anger, what the Bible in Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to do; now Mitchell wanted to move out, but he knew his mom wouldn’t want him to leave. Look, stepparents, if you have a critical edge to you, you can dig yourself into a hole fast. Kids will tolerate a lot more from a parent, than a stepparent. Gentleness will get you farther in building trust.
July 29, 2019
Have you ever had someone get mad at you…because you forgave them?
Normally seeking forgiveness brings restoration but what if in pride the person you forgave is offended? What do you do? Because reconciliation requires two people and forgiveness only one, you can still forgive the person in your heart and treat them as forgiven but you can’t restore the relationship. Don’t argue over whether forgiveness was necessary. Release your resentment for the offense and love them. Who knows? Eventually, responding with a merciful heart might soften their pride.
July 26, 2019
Want to influence someone for good? Speak with the wisdom of God.
Words can push people away or invite them closer. Harsh or critical words will result in people moving away from us but compassionate, insightful words draw them closer. Of course, foolish people are double trouble. They have a “closed mind” and an “open mouth” but according to Proverbs 18 wise words are like fresh water from a fountain that just keeps coming. Where do you get wise words? Study God’s word and commit it to heart and you will speak and influence others with the wisdom of God.
July 25, 2019
A foolish child will make your soul ache.
Twice in Proverbs 17 the author points out that a foolish child brings grief and bitterness to a parent’s heart. And, in my experience, if there’s a stepparent involved their heart aches, too. They may not fully understand the situation, but they care deeply about the child. Sometimes they want to help. But if the biological parent feels paralyzed to do anything they may block any help. It’s never too late. Come together as parents, find help, and learn ways to fight for the heart of your child
July 24, 2019
When I’m old, who will take care of me?
“I don’t have any biological children,” Brooke said. “I think my adult stepchildren spend time with me only for their dad’s sake. When he dies who will take care of me?” Generally, we rely on close family to provide for us as we age. But when there are no biological kids extended family, friends, the church community, and stepchildren are next in line. Orchestrating expectations and preparing for old age take forethought, planning, and the willingness of everyone involved to care for each other.
July 23, 2019
So, what’s your bias?
Social conversations about race and bias are much needed. I recognize my bias and I’m trying to manage it. But bias can even be toward people we love. One guy, who feared before his marriage that his wife would not commit to him, later said, “My wife reads her favorite books on marriage and family but she won’t read mine. Is this her putting her kids before me?” Hey, I think your confirmation bias won’t let you see what she is doing. Doubt is blinding you. What about you? Can you see your bias?
July 22, 2019
Hey, have you heard this one: “Two lips walk into a fight…”
Actually, it’s no joke. In the Bible Proverbs 18:6 says, “A fool’s lips walk into a fight.” Yes, what you say can start an argument. That’s true in many situations. But here’s a mistake parents and stepparents make with teens: when you’re irritated with them and immediately launch into a lecture assuming you know what’s motivating them. How much better to pause and ask a question about what’s going on behind the scenes. Listen first. Then if appropriate, you can always come back to the lecture.
July 19, 2019
Do you know what it’s like to be adopted?
Some do but most don’t have any idea. Or maybe, we do. Romans 8 reminds us that sin made us outsiders with God but through Christ God has adopted us as His children. What would happen if we opened our hearts to an outsider and invited them in? A lonely kid on the playground would have a friend. A new family member would be treated as if they belong. Someone of a different color would be welcome in your living room. And a newcomer to church would receive five invitations to lunch. Let’s adopt.
July 18, 2019
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.