How to Cook a Stepfamily
October 7, 2016
00:00
So, how do you cook a stepfamily?
Stepfamilies are sometimes called blended families so you must cook it with a blender, right? Well, actually, no. Blenders are kind of rough on ingredients. They chop them up and force them to combine together. Stepfamilies do this when they force people to hang out together or expect them to hug people they are still getting to know. It's much better to cook your stepfamily with a crock-pot. Slow and easy. Let the ingredients of your family combine with others at their pace, in their way.
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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The cardinal rule for building a strong relationship with a stepchild is this; let the child set the pace.
So how do you do that? Gauge their level of openness to you and match it. If they jump into your lap or want to give you a hug don’t leave them hanging. But if they bristle when you try to hug them, back up a bit and find something less intimidating. If they call you daddy or mommy by all means let them. But if they would prefer to call you by your first name, that’s okay, too. Remember, letting the child set the pace is just how you start. It will grow well beyond that over time.
October 6, 2016
Empathy can bless your home.
In the workplace and in families, people can experience the same interaction very differently. How do you bridge that gap? Learn empathy—the ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person. Feeling life from their vantage point helps you understand them. Members of a blended family often have very different experiences of each other. Applying empathy helps everyone bridge their gaps, find compassion for each other, and strengthen their home.
October 5, 2016
I’m wondering…how much is your mate worth to you?
We might inherit wealth from our ancestors but Proverbs 19:14 says “a prudent wife” is from the Lord. It’s easy to get caught up in the riches of life but when that comes at the expense of valuing our mate, we lose sight of what matters. A wise and loving mate is to be valued, honored, and appreciated. She needs to know you value her and God desires to hear your gratitude for His provision. Keep an eternal view. Your stuff will pass to the next generation, but love will be carried into eternity.
October 4, 2016
Sometimes, loss is hidden just below the surface.
Some unwanted transition resulted in a blended family. Sometimes that loss is hidden, especially to the adults. Emily has been in her stepson’s life since he was two so she assumes he won’t be affected by loss. But in time he may grieve all the complications of his parent’s divorce. Loss is revealed over time and developmental stages bring new losses to the surface for children. Don’t let your feelings define a child’s. Empathize and when hidden losses are uncovered, help them grieve.
October 3, 2016
When you hear the word stepfamily, which narrative do you think of?
Of course, some will immediately think “Brady Bunch,” while others think of fairy tales and the evil stepmother. You could think of the biblical family of Jacob, who had at least 13 children by four women (that was a mess), or the families of Abraham and David or of Jesus (that one worked out really well). Or what about the narrative of the church; sons and daughters, adopted by the King, grafted into his eternal family. Whichever one you pick, make sure your family narrative is written by God.
September 30, 2016
It’s a tough world out there; I say we lean in together.
I received a letter from a defeated stepmom. Her multi-layered complex stepfamily story shouted defeat. There’s drug addiction. The courts are involved. And in-laws who have legal custody of the children are making it tough. It’s really a difficult situation. And then there are those who say, “Well you got into this mess, you just have to get yourself out.” That’s not helpful. This stepmom is trying to be part of the solution. Let’s bring the power of the church to her side and lean in with her.
September 29, 2016
Did Jesus’ love and sacrifice for us make us more or less?
Ephesians 5 in the Bible says that Christ’s love for us, the church, made us sanctified, cleansed, washed, radiant, without stain or wrinkle, holy, and blameless. That’s definitely more! Guys, we’re called to love our wives like that. Because of how you love her, she should be more, not less. A selfish, controlling, critical, inattentive husband makes her less. But a thoughtful, kind, encouraging husband makes her more. More of what God has called and gifted her to be. Make her more.
September 28, 2016
Did your wedding gifts include a toaster, crockpot, and a grandchild?
An increasing number of people are getting married later and acquiring not only adult stepchildren, but stepgrandchildren. Research confirms that adult stepchildren are the gatekeepers to whether or not the stepgrandparent and stepgrandchildren have a loving relationship. The way you get along with your adult stepchildren will probably determine how you get along with your stepgrandchildren. If you want to open and enjoy that stepgrandchild gift, make sure you get along with their mom or dad.
September 27, 2016
Never stop listening to instruction.
There comes a time in life when you’ve learned a few tough lessons and it’s easy to get comfortable with where you are. According to the first seven verses, the book of Proverbs is about gaining God’s wisdom for life. Nineteen chapters into the book Solomon again reminds his son to seek wisdom and never stop listening to instruction or stray from knowledge. That’s what fools do. Let’s be reminded today that our need for God’s wisdom never stops. Seek it. Find it. And live by it.
September 26, 2016
“Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It’s courage that counts.”
Those are the words of legendary coach John Wooden. He also said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” I want my kids to get that. They can’t do everything, but they can put to use their God-given gifts. I’d also pray those words over stepparents, who can’t control a stepchild’s openness to them, on biological parents in blended families, who can’t make everyone happy all the time and on stepchildren who wish that the death or divorce had never happened.
September 23, 2016
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.