How Long to Get Along?
October 14, 2016
00:00
I have a friend who was a single mom and now she's married. She said, "I waited so long for a partner to help me parent and now that he’s here I’m having a hard time letting him be part of the team.”
It’s a fairly common dynamic. Not because biological parents are overprotective or controlling like sometimes they are accused of but because they are used to making all the decisions. Here’s my tip. Slow down. Don’t give the kids an answer right away. Take time and include the stepparent. Yes, you'll have to work at it but it's worth it. That's how you teach your kids respect for their stepparent and then everybody wins.
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
Archives
I have a friend who was a single mom and now she's married. She said, "I waited so long for a partner to help me parent and now that he’s here I’m having a hard time letting him be part of the team.”
It’s a fairly common dynamic. Not because biological parents are overprotective or controlling like sometimes they are accused of but because they are used to making all the decisions. Here’s my tip. Slow down. Don’t give the kids an answer right away. Take time and include the stepparent. Yes, you'll have to work at it but it's worth it. That's how you teach your kids respect for their stepparent and then everybody wins.
October 13, 2016
The game “Hide and Seek” was fun as a kid; not so much as an adult.
Have you ever had a friend disappear because they fell in love? It’s not fun is it? What if you were the one doing the hiding? Technology allows us to run off and hide from those we love. One spouse disappears into Facebook while the other one checks work e-mail yet again before bed. Friends go to dinner but text other people while they sit there. Single parents Facetime a new dating partner while their children wait off camera. Let’s get disciplined. Unhook. Don’t play hide and seek. Get found.
October 12, 2016
One way to keep the oxygen flowing to your marriage is to steal a kiss.You’re not really stealing anything. You’re drawing on the bank account of your affection. But what you are stealing is a moment. A moment out of a hectic day. A moment away from parenting. You see “the kiss” is a much needed point of connection. Research shows that when you have various “stealing a kiss” routines, you oxygenate your marriage. Things like a warm hug before leaving for work or a shared recreational activity all help sustain your marriage. So, find your moment and steal a kiss.
October 11, 2016
Why would a parent put their child to death?
There’s an odd expression in Proverbs 19. “Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.” The author is saying discipline teaches a child how to live, but passive parents set their kids up for self-destruction. What would make a parent passive? Not knowing how to discipline and the fear of losing kids to the other home paralyzes parents and stepparents. But passivity leads to death. Find your nerve as a parent and offer them life, instead.
October 10, 2016
So, how do you cook a stepfamily?
Stepfamilies are sometimes called blended families so you must cook it with a blender, right? Well, actually, no. Blenders are kind of rough on ingredients. They chop them up and force them to combine together. Stepfamilies do this when they force people to hang out together or expect them to hug people they are still getting to know. It's much better to cook your stepfamily with a crock-pot. Slow and easy. Let the ingredients of your family combine with others at their pace, in their way.
October 7, 2016
The cardinal rule for building a strong relationship with a stepchild is this; let the child set the pace.
So how do you do that? Gauge their level of openness to you and match it. If they jump into your lap or want to give you a hug don’t leave them hanging. But if they bristle when you try to hug them, back up a bit and find something less intimidating. If they call you daddy or mommy by all means let them. But if they would prefer to call you by your first name, that’s okay, too. Remember, letting the child set the pace is just how you start. It will grow well beyond that over time.
October 6, 2016
Empathy can bless your home.
In the workplace and in families, people can experience the same interaction very differently. How do you bridge that gap? Learn empathy—the ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person. Feeling life from their vantage point helps you understand them. Members of a blended family often have very different experiences of each other. Applying empathy helps everyone bridge their gaps, find compassion for each other, and strengthen their home.
October 5, 2016
I’m wondering…how much is your mate worth to you?
We might inherit wealth from our ancestors but Proverbs 19:14 says “a prudent wife” is from the Lord. It’s easy to get caught up in the riches of life but when that comes at the expense of valuing our mate, we lose sight of what matters. A wise and loving mate is to be valued, honored, and appreciated. She needs to know you value her and God desires to hear your gratitude for His provision. Keep an eternal view. Your stuff will pass to the next generation, but love will be carried into eternity.
October 4, 2016
Sometimes, loss is hidden just below the surface.
Some unwanted transition resulted in a blended family. Sometimes that loss is hidden, especially to the adults. Emily has been in her stepson’s life since he was two so she assumes he won’t be affected by loss. But in time he may grieve all the complications of his parent’s divorce. Loss is revealed over time and developmental stages bring new losses to the surface for children. Don’t let your feelings define a child’s. Empathize and when hidden losses are uncovered, help them grieve.
October 3, 2016
When you hear the word stepfamily, which narrative do you think of?
Of course, some will immediately think “Brady Bunch,” while others think of fairy tales and the evil stepmother. You could think of the biblical family of Jacob, who had at least 13 children by four women (that was a mess), or the families of Abraham and David or of Jesus (that one worked out really well). Or what about the narrative of the church; sons and daughters, adopted by the King, grafted into his eternal family. Whichever one you pick, make sure your family narrative is written by God.
September 30, 2016
See More Episodes
Loading...
P
S
Listen to FamilyLife Blended® on
Amazon Echo
Learn How
Learn How
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.