Facing a Marital Crisis
February 11, 2019
00:00
How do you save a struggling marriage?
Well, I can’t speak to specific circumstances, but in general do two things: First, speak out of your desire for the relationship not your anger at the person. You don’t say, “You don’t care about me.” Instead say, “I miss us. I want to figure this out.” And second, if you’re really stuck, you need a marriage therapist. You need more than a book or a conference. You need someone really trained to handle marital issues. It may take awhile to find the right therapist but your marriage is worth it.
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The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.
In the Bible we’re reminded that faith in God is where true knowledge comes from. Since God is the author of life it makes sense to view life through His eyes. Proverbs says the simple minded person can gain wisdom and discernment for living life. This is going to translate into better life choices and stronger relationships. Like smart stepfamilies who trust in the Lord to provide insight for living by reading Scripture and sharing it with each other and applying it to their daily life.
February 8, 2019
Ron, what do you do if you’re trying to bond with a stepchild, but all they say is, “Talk to the hand”?
This is frustrating because you are trying as hard as you can but the door is closed. So, what do you do? Well, you start by respecting their posture. I mean, you could try and force your way in but we all know that’s not going to work. Essentially, do what Jesus does with us when we close ourselves off from him. Stand at the door and gently knock. Talk to them through the door and tell them you’re going to be there when they finally open the door. Then, love them as best you can until they do.
February 7, 2019
Ron, after the end of a relationship, how long should I wait before dating again?
I used to recommend people wait at least two years but let’s acknowledge not all losses are the same, and therefore, not all grieving times are the same. Some people suffer with their spouse through cancer for years and they grieve a lot before their spouse dies. They may not need as much time as someone who is suddenly abandoned by an unfaithful spouse. Slow down in order to heal up. Let a few trusted friends and a recovery or grief ministry speak into your life. Remember time is your friend.
February 6, 2019
Today, I’m stepping into controversy and some of you are going to be irritated.
How do you accept new members of your stepfamily that you didn’t ask for? It does happen. A parent marries and their children have to deal with it. Clearly there are aspects you’re not going to like. But protesting by boycotting, or being spiteful, or using the kids as pawns just makes things worse. So, try to accept the reality of the situation without giving approval to every choice being made by others. Let your influence and love bring some light to the situation.
February 5, 2019
My audience is getting more gray.
A larger percentage of older couples are taking another run at love and realizing that stepfamily living across the generations is not easy. A newly married man, 84 years old, widowed nine years, approached me at a seminar. He was worried about his adult daughters. “They didn’t come to the wedding,” he said, “and they won’t accept my marriage. What do I do?” Patiently move toward them by yourself initially. They are invested in you, not the new marriage. Your wife will have to be patient, too.
February 4, 2019
Ron, Ron, bo Bon, Bonana fanna fo Fon…Okay, you know what I’m doing. I’m playing the name game. Well, stepfamilies play a different name game.
The terms people use to refer to one another really matter. A stepparent would love to be called “Mom” or “Dad,” but children may feel uncomfortable calling them that. On the other hand, kids don’t want to hurt the feelings of their biological parents so they may use one term in public and another in private. So, parents, here’s what you do. Give children your permission to use the labels that are most comfortable to them. Don’t force them to use your label. Be okay with theirs.
February 1, 2019
We all know that divorce is hard on kids, right? But did you know that adjusting to a parent’s remarriage is even harder.
A young woman whose mom had remarried told me, “I really love my stepdad now but early on I was completely against him. Please understand it wasn’t him but rather the idea of him I had to get used to.” When the ingredients of a blended family are thrown together, the adults need to remember that what feels like resistance or rejection of the stepparent is sometimes just adjustment to more change. It’s not always personal. So be longsuffering and have lots of grace for one another.
January 31, 2019
The book of Proverbs says, listen to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. But what about a stepfather or a stepmother’s instruction? Do you have to listen to that, too?
Well, of course you do. God expects everyone to obey the authorities in their life. Stepparents are another authority. But sometimes kids have a hard time receiving their instruction. The solution to this dilemma has two sides to it. Stepparents make sure your stepchildren know how much you care before you expect them to care how much you know. Stepchildren receive your stepparent just like you would a teacher or a coach. They offer instruction to bless your life and your stepparent will, too.
January 30, 2019
Okay, let’s get real about living together.
Jerry repeatedly proposed to Camilla, but she preferred living together. She said their love was bigger than a piece of paper. So ironically, when Camilla finally decided she wanted a ring, Jerry realized to cope he had shut down his heart and he didn’t love her any more. Does love have to be bigger than marriage? Of course. But excluding marriage from the equation is like testing the fireplace in winter by leaving the front door open. If you want a warm living room, commit. Close the door.
January 29, 2019
A good co-parent meeting is worth its weight in gold.
Divided or divorced parents need effective business-like meetings in order to raise kids well. Here are some guidelines from the book Two Homes, One Childhood by Robert Emery. Have a regularly scheduled time and make sure the kids can’t overhear your conversations. They don’t’ need to be burdened by the topics which means pick up and drop off times are not a good time to talk. And keep meetings brief, polite, and to the best of your ability, positive. Good meetings are a gift to your kids.
January 28, 2019
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.