Don't Provoke Kids to Anger
July 27, 2022
00:00
Ron, how do I tell my mom I need to get away from my stepdad?
Mitchell was 18 when he asked that question. His stepfather had been harshly critical and he couldn’t bear it any more. He had provoked him to anger, what the Bible in Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to do; now Mitchell wanted to move out, but he knew his mom wouldn’t want him to leave. Look, stepparents, if you have a critical edge to you, you can dig yourself into a hole fast. Kids will tolerate a lot more from a parent, than a stepparent. Gentleness will get you farther in building trust.
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Preparing to Blend
If you want to enter a blended family marriage well, this is the book for you. Aimed at engaged or pre-engaged couples who have at least one child from a previous relationship, Preparing to Blend offers wise counsel on parenting, finances, establishing family identity, and daily routines for your new life together. Within these pages you will learn how to: - predict common issues - define expectations - create solutions
Past Episodes
Have you ever had someone get mad at you…because you forgave them?
Normally seeking forgiveness brings restoration but what if in pride the person you forgave is offended? What do you do? Because reconciliation requires two people and forgiveness only one, you can still forgive the person in your heart and treat them as forgiven but you can’t restore the relationship. Don’t argue over whether forgiveness was necessary. Release your resentment for the offense and love them. Who knows? Eventually, responding with a merciful heart might soften their pride.
July 26, 2022
Want to influence someone for good? Speak with the wisdom of God.
Words can push people away or invite them closer. Harsh or critical words will result in people moving away from us but compassionate, insightful words draw them closer. Of course, foolish people are double trouble. They have a “closed mind” and an “open mouth” but according to Proverbs 18 wise words are like fresh water from a fountain that just keeps coming. Where do you get wise words? Study God’s word and commit it to heart and you will speak and influence others with the wisdom of God.
July 25, 2022
A foolish child will make your soul ache.
Twice in Proverbs 17 the author points out that a foolish child brings grief and bitterness to a parent’s heart. And, in my experience, if there’s a stepparent involved their heart aches, too. They may not fully understand the situation, but they care deeply about the child. Sometimes they want to help. But if the biological parent feels paralyzed to do anything they may block any help. It’s never too late. Come together as parents, find help, and learn ways to fight for the heart of your child.
July 22, 2022
When I’m old, who will take care of me?
“I don’t have any biological children,” Brooke said. “I think my adult stepchildren spend time with me only for their dad’s sake. When he dies who will take care of me?” Generally, we rely on close family to provide for us as we age. But when there are no biological kids extended family, friends, the church community, and stepchildren are next in line. Orchestrating expectations and preparing for old age take forethought, planning, and the willingness of everyone involved to care for each other.
July 21, 2022
So, what’s your bias?
Social conversations about race and bias are much needed. I recognize my bias and I’m trying to manage it. But bias can even be toward people we love. One guy, who feared before his marriage that his wife would not commit to him, later said, “My wife reads her favorite books on marriage and family but she won’t read mine. Is this her putting her kids before me?” Hey, I think your confirmation bias won’t let you see what she is doing. Doubt is blinding you. What about you? Can you see your bias?
July 20, 2022
Hey, have you heard this one: “Two lips walk into a fight…”
Actually, it’s no joke. In the Bible Proverbs 18:6 says, “A fool’s lips walk into a fight.” Yes, what you say can start an argument. That’s true in many situations. But here’s a mistake parents and stepparents make with teens: when you’re irritated with them and immediately launch into a lecture assuming you know what’s motivating them. How much better to pause and ask a question about what’s going on behind the scenes. Listen first. Then if appropriate, you can always come back to the lecture.
July 19, 2022
Do you know what it’s like to be adopted?
Some do but most don’t have any idea. Or maybe, we do. Romans 8 reminds us that sin made us outsiders with God but through Christ God has adopted us as His children. What would happen if we opened our hearts to an outsider and invited them in? A lonely kid on the playground would have a friend. A new family member would be treated as if they belong. Someone of a different color would be welcome in your living room. And a newcomer to church would receive five invitations to lunch. Let’s adopt.
July 18, 2022
What right do you Christians have to tell us about marriage you can’t even get it right yourself?
Have you ever heard the argument that the divorce rate for Christian marriages is the same as for non-Christians? Well, that’s just not true. Actually, for those who practice their faith on a daily basis and regularly attend church, their divorce rate is just 15-20 percent. Far lower than the general population. Those who live the gospel within their marriage and family are happier and healthier than those who don’t. Your marriage can be a living testimony to the love of God. Let’s share it.
July 15, 2022
Sometimes life forces you to adapt and adjust.
Setting aside their hurt, Meredith and her former husband found a balance in the co-parenting of their children. Then he got married. His wife, the new stepmom, had opinions that changed the routines. Shouldn’t the decisions be made by the biological parents? Meredith asked. Why does the stepmom get a say? First, that’s between them; they decide how to run their home. Second, good co-parenting over time requires change. You may not like it, but for your kids’ sake, adapt and adjust.
July 14, 2022
Don’t you hate it when someone uses your words to excuse their behavior?
Some cohabiting blended family couples in a ministry leader's small group used my words as justification for living together. “Ron says dating single parents should invest time on the front end to help their kids adjust to the blended family.” These couples would say, living together is a good way to do that. No, it’s not. Cohabitation undoes more than it builds up, but even if it didn’t, it wouldn’t justify the sin of premarital sex. The ends don’t justify the means. Trust God and model purity.
July 13, 2022
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Featured Offer
Preparing to Blend
If you want to enter a blended family marriage well, this is the book for you. Aimed at engaged or pre-engaged couples who have at least one child from a previous relationship, Preparing to Blend offers wise counsel on parenting, finances, establishing family identity, and daily routines for your new life together. Within these pages you will learn how to: - predict common issues - define expectations - create solutions
About FamilyLife Blended®
FamilyLife Blended® provides biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.
About Ron L. Deal
Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart Stepfamily, The Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the country. Ron and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.
Contact FamilyLife Blended® with Ron L. Deal
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email@familylife.com
email@familylife.com
Website
http://www.familylife.com/
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FamilyLife ®
100 Lake Hart Drive
Orlando FL 32832
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