Dating: Myth #3—Marriage Repairs Your Home
December 26, 2016
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If you’re a single parent or dating one, here’s a dating myth to avoid.
A new marriage does not restore the original family, it forms a different family. It doesn’t give back to your kids a missing parent; it gives them a “stepparent” and a parenting team that is very different than the biological family system they were born into. Don’t get me wrong, a stepfamily may work well for your kids but don’t decide to marry based on a myth. Blended families are not “repaired” first families; they are different families with their own dynamics, challenges, and rewards.
A new marriage does not restore the original family, it forms a different family. It doesn’t give back to your kids a missing parent; it gives them a “stepparent” and a parenting team that is very different than the biological family system they were born into. Don’t get me wrong, a stepfamily may work well for your kids but don’t decide to marry based on a myth. Blended families are not “repaired” first families; they are different families with their own dynamics, challenges, and rewards.
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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At the birth of Christ were there any unsung heroes?
Joseph married a woman of questionable reputation, lost his reputation in the process, and became a stepfather. He had to move to an unfamiliar place sacrificing his career then drift off the pages of history. It cost him everything to faithfully love and care for Jesus. Then Jesus grew up and taught that following him costs everything. "Deny yourself and take up your cross," he said. Joseph could relate. The cost for him was great and it will be for us, but in losing ourselves we find life.
December 23, 2016
Does your family tree have any stepfamily branches? Well, if it does you’re not alone.
Did you realize that most of the Old Testament families were stepfamilies of one shape or another? In fact, if you look in the Bible we know that Jesus’ family tree includes at least twenty percent of stepfamilies and it is probably more than that because there is a lot of his family that we don’t know anything about. Yes, blended families have always been part of God’s people and if you live in a stepfamily you’re in good company.
December 22, 2016
The holidays are a great time of joy and celebration which is why sometimes you also have to deal with sadness.
It is a bit odd experiencing joy and sadness at the same time but that really is how life goes. I lost my 12-year-old son in 2009. Of course, I miss him every day but special days and holidays really resurrect my deep, deep sorrow. At the same time I’m enjoying my wife and other two sons I’m deeply sad and missing Connor. Both adults and kids in stepfamilies can experience this same mixed bag of emotions. What you need to give each other is a little extra TLC and grace during the holidays.
December 21, 2016
Patient investing, over a long period of time, usually pays off big!
Proverbs 21 says, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty." Good planning and hard work lead to a profit but shortcuts risk everything. This principle applies to more than just money. Think about the diligence it takes to finish school or build a career. Healthy friendships and family relationships take dedication, too. Blended families, especially, require good planning, hard work, and patience. Those that do that reap a big payoff.
December 20, 2016
Yeah, parental unity is a really good idea. But can co-parents, living in two different homes, find parental unity?
Yes, but it’s uncommon. Co-parents rarely coordinate their parenting styles, but when they can keep their expectations and discipline strategies in line, children benefit from the consistent boundaries and can’t play one home off the other. So, parents, how do you get there? Read the same parenting book, attend the same class, and if necessary have a parent coordinator help you get on the same page. It’ll take some work, but when you find agreement, it’s a huge blessing for your child.
December 19, 2016
What would you do if your fiancée told you she was pregnant and it wasn’t your child?
I heard about one man who found himself in that very situation. He was distraught. He was hurt. And he chose to walk away. After all, the responsibilities were not his. But then the Spirit of God let Joseph know there was something bigger going on. Joseph chose love. This Christmas as you remember our dear Savior’s birth let’s also remember and encourage the stepparents, foster parents, and adoptive parents who like Joseph didn’t have responsibility or obligation but they chose to love anyway.
December 16, 2016
Have you ever heard the phrase now that’s a face only a parent could love?
What if you are the stepparent and your stepchild has a big attitude problem where they lie to you? Or they are 28 years old, lazy, and eating all your food? Some kids are harder to love than others. So what do you do? First, pray about it. Pray about them. No, on second thought pray for them and pray for God’s strength to love them. Then find one interest that you share in common and build on it. It may not feel like much but it is a start.
December 15, 2016
If you’re a single parent or dating one, here’s a dating myth to avoid.
This myth believes children raised in single-parent homes have deficits that will be erased if they are instead raised in a two-parent stepfamily home. Well, actually the research is clear: Children raised in single-parent homes do just as well as kids raised in stepfamily homes. So, when it comes to the well-being of your children, it’s okay to stay single. If you meet someone who is a good fit for you and your kids, great. If you don’t, great. Either way God will provide.
December 14, 2016
Clarence, the angel from It’s a Wonderful Life, says, “No man is a failure who has friends.”
And I would add, someone with friends finds it easier not to be a failure. At some point, all of us need support from friends. We pray and seek God’s wisdom and try to rest in his care, but even then, it’s good to have someone standing beside you when life is tough. I see this with blended family couples with stressful circumstances. If they can vent to a friend or small group and find support, they can keep going and get some lift to their wings. Atta boy, Clarence!
December 13, 2016
Ok, kids, listen up. A critical heart toward your stepparent can bring you a lot of pain.
Proverbs 20 says, “If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.” In the ancient world “father and mother” could mean dad or mom, grandfather or grandmother, or another caretaker like stepmother. Here’s the deal. Being disrespectful toward a parent or stepparent makes the lamp of your happiness go dark. That doesn’t sound good does it? How much better, for you and your family, to choose cooperation and respect. That will make your lamp of happiness shine bright.
December 12, 2016
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.