Before Marriage and After
February 15, 2019
00:00
“Ron, if it weren’t for the stepfamily, we’d be a happily married couple.”
I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard this. Our research finds that before a wedding couple satisfaction is mostly tied to, as you would expect—the couple. Couple satisfaction is a function of the couple’s relationship. But, after the wedding, couple satisfaction is equally tied to the stepfamily stuff going on around them. Stepfamily couple satisfaction is a function of the couple’s relationship AND the stepfamily dynamic. That’s where they get blind-sided. Hey, we can help with that.
Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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All right all you married lovers out there do you speak Valentine?
You could tell your spouse how much you love them by buying them Valentine's candy, a card, or flowers. Some people spend hours writing a poem that makes the other person feel special. Or if you believe that actions speak louder than words you might spend the day showering the love of your life with small acts of kindness. Whatever you do make sure you don’t miss the opportunity to take them in your arms, look them in the eye, and tell them, if given the chance you’d marry them all over again.
February 14, 2019
“But Ron, I don’t want to date someone who has kids.” Well, good. I don’t want you to either.
What I mean is that someone who doesn’t want to date a single parent shouldn’t date a single parent. That sounds obvious but you’d be amazed how many people do so even though they have no intention of taking on the responsibility of a child. I commend this guy for thinking seriously about this. Your values and priorities might lead you to a different conclusion about dating a single parent. But knowing what you want is an important aspect of wise dating that every single person should consider.
February 13, 2019
Look at your life through someone else’s eyes.
It’s amazing what you see when you look at your home through a potential buyer’s eyes. Stuff you once ignored, now screams for your attention. What if we viewed our life and family through someone else’s eyes? We might tidy up our talk to and about other people. We might sweep away dirty attitudes and not let slide certain behavior in our kids. When you’re selling your house, living really clean all the time is a pain, but it’s a great way to make the Kingdom of God attractive to the world.
February 12, 2019
How do you save a struggling marriage?
Well, I can’t speak to specific circumstances, but in general do two things: First, speak out of your desire for the relationship not your anger at the person. You don’t say, “You don’t care about me.” Instead say, “I miss us. I want to figure this out.” And second, if you’re really stuck, you need a marriage therapist. You need more than a book or a conference. You need someone really trained to handle marital issues. It may take awhile to find the right therapist but your marriage is worth it.
February 11, 2019
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.
In the Bible we’re reminded that faith in God is where true knowledge comes from. Since God is the author of life it makes sense to view life through His eyes. Proverbs says the simple minded person can gain wisdom and discernment for living life. This is going to translate into better life choices and stronger relationships. Like smart stepfamilies who trust in the Lord to provide insight for living by reading Scripture and sharing it with each other and applying it to their daily life.
February 8, 2019
Ron, what do you do if you’re trying to bond with a stepchild, but all they say is, “Talk to the hand”?
This is frustrating because you are trying as hard as you can but the door is closed. So, what do you do? Well, you start by respecting their posture. I mean, you could try and force your way in but we all know that’s not going to work. Essentially, do what Jesus does with us when we close ourselves off from him. Stand at the door and gently knock. Talk to them through the door and tell them you’re going to be there when they finally open the door. Then, love them as best you can until they do.
February 7, 2019
Ron, after the end of a relationship, how long should I wait before dating again?
I used to recommend people wait at least two years but let’s acknowledge not all losses are the same, and therefore, not all grieving times are the same. Some people suffer with their spouse through cancer for years and they grieve a lot before their spouse dies. They may not need as much time as someone who is suddenly abandoned by an unfaithful spouse. Slow down in order to heal up. Let a few trusted friends and a recovery or grief ministry speak into your life. Remember time is your friend.
February 6, 2019
Today, I’m stepping into controversy and some of you are going to be irritated.
How do you accept new members of your stepfamily that you didn’t ask for? It does happen. A parent marries and their children have to deal with it. Clearly there are aspects you’re not going to like. But protesting by boycotting, or being spiteful, or using the kids as pawns just makes things worse. So, try to accept the reality of the situation without giving approval to every choice being made by others. Let your influence and love bring some light to the situation.
February 5, 2019
My audience is getting more gray.
A larger percentage of older couples are taking another run at love and realizing that stepfamily living across the generations is not easy. A newly married man, 84 years old, widowed nine years, approached me at a seminar. He was worried about his adult daughters. “They didn’t come to the wedding,” he said, “and they won’t accept my marriage. What do I do?” Patiently move toward them by yourself initially. They are invested in you, not the new marriage. Your wife will have to be patient, too.
February 4, 2019
Ron, Ron, bo Bon, Bonana fanna fo Fon…Okay, you know what I’m doing. I’m playing the name game. Well, stepfamilies play a different name game.
The terms people use to refer to one another really matter. A stepparent would love to be called “Mom” or “Dad,” but children may feel uncomfortable calling them that. On the other hand, kids don’t want to hurt the feelings of their biological parents so they may use one term in public and another in private. So, parents, here’s what you do. Give children your permission to use the labels that are most comfortable to them. Don’t force them to use your label. Be okay with theirs.
February 1, 2019
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.