Have you ever thought that one reason kids don’t like their stepparent is because they like their stepparent?
One teenager put it to me this way. I like my stepmom. That’s the problem. I’m worried my mom will get her feelings hurt. What a bind for a kid. A child in that situation needs permission from their biological mom. Permission to get along with and maybe even love their stepmom. What the child needs from the stepmom is your permission to love their mom and a whole lot of grace when they shrink back. After all, it’s not really a rejection of you it’s just being stuck in the middle.
January 13, 2017
Just how far would you go to care for one of your children?
Recently I heard about a stepdad who plans to climb Mt. Everest to raise money to pay for his stepdaughter’s leukemia treatment. You know, despite all the negative stereotypes my more than two decades of working with stepfamilies tells me that the vast majority of stepparents would climb the highest mountain to care for their stepchildren. If that inspires you like it does me tell the stepparents you know, “thank you.”
January 12, 2017
“Ron, I thought I was going crazy, but now I know I’m not alone.”
Tina had read an article online about parents who get paralyzed and don’t set boundaries for their children. She and her husband were a blended family. She worked hard at structure and expectations with the kids but her husband—well, he just let his son do whatever he wanted. You can’t have two different parenting styles in the same home without conflict. You’re both going to have adjustments to make, but if you’re the paralyzed parent there’s hope. You can move again. Let us help you.
January 11, 2017
“Okay, kids, we just gave some money to the homeless man at the last street corner. Do you give some more to the guy at this corner?”
That’s actually what I said to my kids. It wasn’t a pop quiz or anything. It was a genuine dilemma for me. We had been talking about Proverbs 21:13 and “not closing our ears to the cry of the poor.” It’s just not easy to always know what to do. Here’s the takeaway. Share your faith dilemmas out loud with your children and stepchildren. It teaches them to wrestle with life issues in light of God’s word. It invites them to see your heart and the talk strengthens your family’s faith walk.
January 10, 2017
Benjamin Franklin said, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.”
Believe it or not, sometimes people plan to fail. A designer in the Netherlands has a new concept for a floating house. Designed like two puzzle pieces, the house separates so if you’re unhappy you cast your spouse adrift. Now, when your marriage drifts apart, you can detach the two units and each partner can drift apart in their own home. It’s called, “Prenuptial Housing.” What? We’re designing houses prepared for failure. Why not invest that much energy and planning into being successful?
January 9, 2017
Have you ever tried to find a model biblical family to emulate? Well, I have and I can’t find one.
God’s perfect plan for the family is found in Scripture but we can’t find one family that actually lived his plan perfectly. Not one. But you know what? I actually find great encouragement in reading about Abraham’s failings as a husband. Or Jacob’s messed up stepfamily. No, I’m not encouraged by their imperfections but I do find it encouraging that in spite of their failings God called them. He matured them. He redeemed them. That same redemption is available for my imperfect family and yours.
January 6, 2017
When kids live between two homes, you can’t win every parenting battle, but some issues are a hill worth dying on.
Single parents and blended-family parents know they can’t control how the other home parents the children but what do you do when there is an unhealthy influence? Decide together with your spouse which issues are worth the battle and how you’ll proceed. This will protect your marriage and help you brace for impact. Then, use respect to engage the other home and look for things you agree on. Remember, the battle is for your child’s wellbeing, not necessarily yours.
January 4, 2017
You know that last argument you had—it was definitely the other person’s fault.
We have an uncanny ability to be selfish and deceitful all while looking in the mirror and thinking well of ourselves. Proverbs made that observation a long time ago: “the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 12:15) The most common person we lie to is ourselves…about ourselves. We exaggerate the other person’s contribution to an argument while minimizing our own. Ask yourself, “If I was my co-worker, child, spouse, would I be frustrated interacting with me?” Stop lying to yourself.
January 3, 2017
Now here’s a resolution for you. Colossians 3 says, “Set your mind on things above.”
The way to reach your goal is to set your mind to it. God knows how we are wired and what it takes to create change in our lives. Whatever you think about is what you tend to become. If you tell a child, “Don’t spill your milk.” You just made it more likely they will spill their milk. Instead say, “Walk slowly and hold your milk with two hands.” Set their mind on what you want. The same goes for you and me. Of course, setting your mind on the things of God is always a good resolution, too.
January 2, 2017