FamilyLife Blended®

Corporations have business meetings all the time. Shouldn’t families do that? Generally, the purpose behind a business meeting is to generate teamwork and productivity. A family meeting is so much more than that. It’s about facilitating family harmony as well as making vacation plans and discussing the family calendar. You can also work through hurt feelings and support each other in tough times. And there’s a bonus for blended families: regular family meetings become a ritual that strengthens a sense of family identity.

Watch out! It’s a trap!Proverbs 22:14 speaks a great truth that we all need to hear. “The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit.” Now, that pit is hidden, a trap that collapses under you. Of course, the “forbidden woman” could be a real person. But in this day and age, it could also be a video on the internet. Protect your heart from the forbidden woman, protect your home from her enticements, and point out that deep pit to your children so they can walk around it and not fall in.

Different kid, different parenting.Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” That’s a promise, right? No, actually, the emphasis of the verse is on the child, not the path. Train up a child and move them toward their giftedness and strengths. That is challenging enough, but imagine becoming a foster parent or stepparent. Where do you start? Study the child. Talk to their parent. Pray for insight to help them be who God has designed them to be.

 Today, we inaugurate not the first but yet another blended family into the White House.   Donald Trump’s family will simply be the latest stepfamily to touch the presidency. George Washington, James Madison, and Warren Harding were stepfathers. Theodore Roosevelt shipped his daughter off to relatives because she and her stepmom didn’t get along. And the Reagan’s had a stepfamily in the White House. As always, the world will be watching the first family. Let’s pray for them as they embark on their most important leadership role.

So which comes first in your household your marriage or the kids?   Healthy stepcouples know they have to balance time and energy invested in their marriage and in the lives of their children. Because the transition to a stepfamily can make kids feel pushed aside smart biological parents make time to connect one on one with their kids. But they also carve out a date night for their spouse. If the kids object they patiently reassure them and go on with the date. Finding the balance is not always easy but it sure pays off in the long run.

Ron, I so want my kids to love the Lord. So what do I do when their other home is not a good influence?   Be very intentional about influencing your children toward the Lord when they are in your home. Deuteronomy 6 says to model God’s values to your kids and impress them on their hearts. You must be diligent in this. Intentionally prepare them for the types of influence they will face at the other house. Be respectful about the people in their life but help your children have a plan. How are they going to manage whatever they are exposed to? Finally, pray constantly for them while they are there.

She’s showing her true colors, Ron, and they’re not very pretty.   Sharon posted that she and her sister, both adults, were happy for their father when he remarried after their mother died. Their dad’s new wife seemed approachable but eventually she manipulated their dad, systematically cutting him off from them. That’s wrong. It’s a shallow person who confiscates someone’s love and divides a family. If God is your source, you’ll always have enough love for all and they’ll have enough for you. But if you’re possessive, you might be the one who gets cut out.

What sort of term of endearment do you give a spouse who has the soul of a pterodactyl?   That’s the question Pastor Tommy Nelson used to ask. Some people just make you want to run and hide. Proverbs 21 says, “Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Now, I need to ask you. Are you that unkind person? We all have some rough edges to our personality but some have sharp, serrated edges that they don’t do anything about and they expect others not to mind. Come on. The call of discipleship is to take off your old self and put on the new.

Have you ever thought that one reason kids don’t like their stepparent is because they like their stepparent?   One teenager put it to me this way. I like my stepmom. That’s the problem. I’m worried my mom will get her feelings hurt. What a bind for a kid. A child in that situation needs permission from their biological mom. Permission to get along with and maybe even love their stepmom. What the child needs from the stepmom is your permission to love their mom and a whole lot of grace when they shrink back. After all, it’s not really a rejection of you it’s just being stuck in the middle.

Just how far would you go to care for one of your children?   Recently I heard about a stepdad who plans to climb Mt. Everest to raise money to pay for his stepdaughter’s leukemia treatment. You know, despite all the negative stereotypes my more than two decades of working with stepfamilies tells me that the vast majority of stepparents would climb the highest mountain to care for their stepchildren. If that inspires you like it does me tell the stepparents you know, “thank you.”