A Model Biblical Family
January 6, 2017
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Have you ever tried to find a model biblical family to emulate? Well, I have and I can’t find one.
God’s perfect plan for the family is found in Scripture but we can’t find one family that actually lived his plan perfectly. Not one. But you know what? I actually find great encouragement in reading about Abraham’s failings as a husband. Or Jacob’s messed up stepfamily. No, I’m not encouraged by their imperfections but I do find it encouraging that in spite of their failings God called them. He matured them. He redeemed them. That same redemption is available for my imperfect family and yours.
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The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.
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Have you ever been caught in a loyalty tug-of-war?
For young and adult children feeling stuck between your parents or between your mom and your stepmom is a common experience. When family members pressure kids to spend more time at one house than the other or they lay guilt trips on them for loving people in the other home loyalties get divided and kids lose. What they really need is permission to like and love everyone in their life. Instead of a selfish tug-of-war aimed at taking care of your needs drop the rope. Love them and let them love.
January 5, 2017
When kids live between two homes, you can’t win every parenting battle, but some issues are a hill worth dying on.
Single parents and blended-family parents know they can’t control how the other home parents the children but what do you do when there is an unhealthy influence? Decide together with your spouse which issues are worth the battle and how you’ll proceed. This will protect your marriage and help you brace for impact. Then, use respect to engage the other home and look for things you agree on. Remember, the battle is for your child’s wellbeing, not necessarily yours.
January 4, 2017
You know that last argument you had—it was definitely the other person’s fault.
We have an uncanny ability to be selfish and deceitful all while looking in the mirror and thinking well of ourselves. Proverbs made that observation a long time ago: “the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 12:15) The most common person we lie to is ourselves…about ourselves. We exaggerate the other person’s contribution to an argument while minimizing our own. Ask yourself, “If I was my co-worker, child, spouse, would I be frustrated interacting with me?” Stop lying to yourself.
January 3, 2017
Now here’s a resolution for you. Colossians 3 says, “Set your mind on things above.”
The way to reach your goal is to set your mind to it. God knows how we are wired and what it takes to create change in our lives. Whatever you think about is what you tend to become. If you tell a child, “Don’t spill your milk.” You just made it more likely they will spill their milk. Instead say, “Walk slowly and hold your milk with two hands.” Set their mind on what you want. The same goes for you and me. Of course, setting your mind on the things of God is always a good resolution, too.
January 2, 2017
Hey, Ron, is it okay for my stepchildren to display pictures of their previous family? Yes, it is but within limits.
Sometimes stepparents are a little intimidated by pictures or videos that don’t include them. Sometimes kids do seem to be saying, those of us in the picture we’re insiders. You’re an outsider. Most of the kids I’ve counseled for over two decades; the picture is just a way to remember their family. So, yes, it is appropriate for your stepchildren to keep pictures and videos of days gone by but it’s okay to put boundaries around this, too. Ask them to keep the pictures in appropriate places.
December 30, 2016
Who’s in your family portrait?
Family pictures and videos capture our lives and then they tell a story about who is in our family. You know what I mean. You are a stepparent who is looking at pictures of your spouse and their kids but you are not in them. Sometimes kids get left out when their visitation schedule meant that they missed a family video moment. Document your new family story so people can begin to include one another in that story. Be intentional to capture the new faces in the frame. And then share the moments.
December 29, 2016
Never let your parenting be held hostage.
Single parents and stepfamily parents know that their parenting is affected by how the other home parents. If they say, “Yes” to something you said, “No” to, you start rethinking your decisions. The fear of what an ex might do can paralyze you. Pray for courage to press in despite what the other home is doing. Keep your balance and practice good parenting. Trust that providing consistent boundaries and love over time will make all the difference.
December 28, 2016
Are you standing up…for the kid right next to you?
We’ll fly around the world to aid children suffering from war or poverty, but we'll do nothing when it’s a kid across the street. Rarely will Christians speak up for someone else’s child caught in ongoing battles between their homes. We don’t want to “get into their business” but we should do something. Respectfully, but assertively ask a parent who bad-mouths the other home and puts their child in the middle as a spy to stop. If it’s about a child, it’s not just “their business,” it’s ours.
December 27, 2016
If you’re a single parent or dating one, here’s a dating myth to avoid. A new marriage does not restore the original family, it forms a different family. It doesn’t give back to your kids a missing parent; it gives them a “stepparent” and a parenting team that is very different than the biological family system they were born into. Don’t get me wrong, a stepfamily may work well for your kids but don’t decide to marry based on a myth. Blended families are not “repaired” first families; they are different families with their own dynamics, challenges, and rewards.
December 26, 2016
At the birth of Christ were there any unsung heroes?
Joseph married a woman of questionable reputation, lost his reputation in the process, and became a stepfather. He had to move to an unfamiliar place sacrificing his career then drift off the pages of history. It cost him everything to faithfully love and care for Jesus. Then Jesus grew up and taught that following him costs everything. "Deny yourself and take up your cross," he said. Joseph could relate. The cost for him was great and it will be for us, but in losing ourselves we find life.
December 23, 2016
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Featured Offer
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry
The 2024 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry will be hosted at The Hope Center in Plano, Texas. This two-day event on October 10 & 11 will equip you and your team to minister more effectively to blended families.