Speaker 1
I had a conversation this weekend with a stepdad who is not seeing any reward for what he's doing. He’s pouring into this stepchild's life, but he feels unrecognized for his efforts.
I said, sometimes we don't see it, but it doesn't mean that they're not noticing what you're doing. They may just not know how to express it really, until they become young adults.
Sometimes we don't gain some of those rewards where they can express their gratitude towards us.
Speaker 2
Welcome to the Family Life Blended podcast. I'm Ron Deal. We help blended families and those who love them pursue the relationships that matter most. My dear friend, author and speaker Gayla Grace is again with me in the studio.
Speaker 1
Good to be here, Ron.
Speaker 2
So nice to have her every single time. And I am already smelling the turkey.
Speaker 1
Oh, my goodness. Can you believe it's that time?
Speaker 2
It is. And I am hungry. We have found the best smoked turkey ever.
Speaker 1
Really?
Speaker 2
And for the last few years, I will invest the money and go buy this.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
And it is incredible.
Speaker 1
Oh, wow. Okay, so you have turkey, not ham.
Speaker 2
We do. We do. We are turkey people.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
Are you a ham?
Speaker 1
We're turkey people, but we have both, actually.
Speaker 2
Okay.
Speaker 1
A lot of years, depending on how many people are around the table.
Speaker 2
Is that a blended family story?
Speaker 1
No, not really. Just some people in my family prefer ham.
Speaker 2
Okay. Yeah, they like to ham it up. Okay. Well, I'm already grateful for the seven pounds I'm going to gain over the next couple of weeks. Eating my wife's pumpkin spice cake and.
Speaker 1
Grateful for gaining weight.
Speaker 2
Grateful because I know how good it's going to taste.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
Got to work it off. But I'm grateful for the joy that will come with that leftover barbecue turkey sandwiches.
Speaker 1
Oh, there you go.
Speaker 2
Oh, see, I can already taste it.
Speaker 1
Tell her to bring some of that pumpkin spice cake to the office.
Speaker 2
Oh, no. Because then. Because I want to eat it.
Speaker 1
Oh, you're not going to share it? Okay.
Speaker 2
It is to die for.
Speaker 1
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2
I'm telling you, I live for this stuff. Okay.
Speaking of gratitude, we have heard from some of our listeners who are thankful for this podcast, and I am grateful that they took the time to write to us and tell us a few things.
And so, hey, listen to this. Gayla, a viewer on YouTube, said, "I'm a regular viewer of your YouTube channel. I have seen all your videos and your content is very good. I have learned a lot from you, from us, all. Your family life blended."
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
It's fantastic. You know, I'm just excited about that. That's what we want. Family life blended is about resourcing and investing in people.
Speaker 1
Exactly.
Speaker 2
And I know the women in blended families monthly livestream. You do. I know people love that. You know, we hear from them and.
Speaker 1
Right. It's nice to be on YouTube and people be able to access us there.
Speaker 2
Yep. So if you're listening or watching, by the way, you don't know what I'm talking about. That Gayla does every month. Every month, women and blended families live stream and it goes out through all our social media channels.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
So it's on Instagram and Facebook and multiple Facebook channels and on YouTube and if you can't catch it live and be a part of it and add comments or whatever you want to do, then you can always go back and watch them later.
Speaker 1
Right. Recorded. But second Tuesday of every month, 12 noon central is when the actual live event is.
Speaker 2
Love it. Okay.
We had another viewer also on YouTube react to a particular episode, 134: "Being a Stepparent, Is It a Blessing?" This person says, "Awesome message. I will soon be a stepmom with no biological children of my own. This message has humbled me about living in my own emotions and defending myself. It has given me a new approach on what God has in store for me. I believe this family is a blessing from God and He has placed me here on purpose. Thank you."
Speaker 1
And I love that because the truth is it doesn't always feel like a blessing to be a stepmom. She has no biological kid kids of her own, so she's walking into this a little naive, but she is taking the perspective of it's a blessing.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
And we're going to talk about that a little bit today, Ron. About changing our perspective sometimes when we don't feel like things in our step family are a blessing. But that's what she's saying. And I love that.
Speaker 2
I love that she's equipping herself before becoming a stepmom. We always encourage that.
Speaker 1
Right. Absolutely.
Speaker 2
And so if you know anybody, if you're as a listener or viewer, if you know anybody who's dating thinking about forming a blended family, get them in touch with our materials and resources. That's really the best time to start learning.
Speaker 1
Oh, absolutely. You're so much better off if you go in with a head full of some tools in how to do blended family life.
Speaker 2
This reminds me, I had a conversation with a couple this last week where they said we got mad when we first started reading about the smart stepmom and some resources because we realized nobody had shared any of this with us.
And here they were 10 years in, had made some mistakes. We're trying to recover from all of that and yeah, learn it on the front end.
Speaker 1
Yeah, it's so much harder when you're 10 years in and you're trying to recover and now you have to go back and redo and maybe apologize, repair. Yes, it's so much harder that way.
Speaker 2
We had one other person write to us, email us this time. I just listened to an episode from October regarding the Dragon Method of co-parenting. Do you remember that episode? These two people that I was talking to had this method about doing co-parenting and how you negotiate. It was really good.
And this person says, I'm so excited to implement this with my very high conflict situation. By the way, that was episode 123. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and learn a little bit about the Dragon Method. It sounds horrible, but it's really meant to be helpful, and so that's great.
Let me just say to our viewers and all of our listeners, we are thankful for you. We appreciate your encouragement. We appreciate you telling others about this podcast and the resources that we have at Family Life Blended.
And we pray the hand of the Lord is on you, not just this holiday season that's coming up, but always. So thank you for listening and thank you for being a part of our family, if you will.
Speaker 1
Absolutely.
Speaker 2
We're going to talk about gratitude. We're going to talk some about unity right today. I know at this past year's Blended and Blessed, you were one of our speakers and you talked some around some of these themes.
Speaker 1
I.
Speaker 2
Did you want to share some of the.
Speaker 1
Just start. I feel like when we have a heart full of gratitude, we're much more likely to want to move toward connectedness in our relationships. Sometimes in blended families, that doesn't happen naturally. Sometimes there are things we don't feel gratitude towards.
For me, Ron, I go back to Romans 12:2: "Don't conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." The patterns of this world are selfishness and what we want and what works for us. Yet in blended families, if we can move more towards gratitude, this requires asking the Holy Spirit's help to renew our minds regarding whatever hard dynamic we have that we don't feel grateful for.
Let's say, for instance, even the stepmom who wrote in, and she's really trying to take a perspective of gratefulness as she steps into this family. But maybe as a stepmom, you have a prickly stepchild that you don't feel grateful for, and you're not moved towards unity.
Yet, if you consider a different perspective, you can ask God to help you renew your mind so that you can think about what you are grateful for in regards to this stepchild. Maybe it's things like being grateful for the influence that you can have as a stepmom, which is different from anyone else’s as they pour into this child.
"I'm thankful for that, Lord. Thank you. Allow me to keep an attitude of gratitude even when it doesn't feel natural for me."
Speaker 2
I love the little quote from Kurt Thompson who says, pay attention to what you're paying attention to.
Speaker 1
Yes.
Speaker 2
And so if I'm paying attention to negativity about this child or is it a mental game boy, is it. I mean, this renewing your mind stuff means you have to take those negative thoughts captive.
Speaker 1
Right?
Speaker 2
And I think I hear you saying, shift to something positive. Where can you find gratitude?
This is not to be turn a blind eye to hard things that are really taking place. We're not saying that we're not being Christianese here.
What we are saying is look for something you can be grateful for.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
Because that opens your heart toward that child and maybe helps you posture yourself in a little different way when engaging with them.
Speaker 1
That leads towards connectedness sometimes. Ron, it might just be as simple as, I'm thankful that this hard dynamic causes me to rely on the Lord in a way that I don't otherwise.
Speaker 2
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Speaker 1
It postures me with a surrendered heart. That's a hard one.
Speaker 2
That is.
Speaker 1
But if we move down the road and we look back at things, and oftentimes it's those hard dynamics that have put us in a posture of surrender to the Lord. I'm always thankful for that. In the long run, I might not be thankful for it in a minute.
Speaker 2
Yes, there you go. And that's good. And I think that's important to acknowledge that this can feel like, here I go. I'm having to make another sacrifice. I'm doing all the work.
Why is this not working in my benefit? What's necessary for that long term gain? I'm just sitting here reflecting on.
I like to listen to the Bible project.
Speaker 1
Oh, yes.
Speaker 2
And viewer, listener. If you don't know what the Bible project is, look it up online. YouTube and their podcast as well. It's just phenomenal stuff. And they were just talking about the Golden Rule.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
And do unto others as you would have them doing to you.
Speaker 1
Right, right.
Speaker 2
Had a little bit different interpretation. The word there is have the desires for others that you would have them to desire to do to you.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
Desire to do for others what you would have them desire that they do for you. This connected a few dots for me, which I found really interesting, because it's the same word "desire" in the Lord's Prayer to say the Lord's will. God's will is God's desires; it's what God desires to see happen on earth.
And we want to have those desires as people. So where am I going with this? If we desire good things for others, even this stepchild that you're having difficulty with, that might bring gratitude, which might then soften your heart. This, in turn, might help you posture yourself a little bit differently when you engage with them.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
And we believe this matters. Like the choices we make, how we carry ourselves has influence. Maybe not immediate. It doesn't immediately pull that kid around, but it might open the door, make it easier for them to change a little of who they are.
Speaker 1
Right. Even if they're not expressing it, I had a conversation this weekend with a stepdad who is not seeing any reward for what he's doing.
He's pouring into this stepchild's life, and I said, sometimes we don't see it, but it doesn't mean that they're not seeing what you're doing. They may just not know how to express it really until they become young adults.
Sometimes we don't gain some of those rewards where they can express it towards us.
Speaker 2
You and I have both seen so many situations where the kids will start.
I'll use the word bragging on a stepparent to their friends, to other people.
They'll never say it directly to the stepparent. I shouldn't say never. At that particular season of their life.
Speaker 1
Probably not.
Speaker 2
They won't.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
But they'll say it to somebody else. And yeah, there's a reason why they. It's hard to be direct with it, but that doesn't mean their gratitude is not there for you.
Speaker 1
Right. And just always know God is working behind those scenes, too, in things that we may not see happening.
Speaker 2
Was there anything else that you wanted to share with us?
Speaker 1
I think that was the biggest point was the perspective. Sometimes it requires a change in perspective. Perspective for us.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
And to be aware of what you're thinking of. Because if the negative perspective fills our hearts, it's. It's going to spill out things that we don't want.
Speaker 2
So let's connect this gratitude thing with unity. That's what you want in your family, viewer, listener, that's what you want. You're going for unity, harmony. Right. You want cohesiveness. You want people to feel safe. Safe and loved and cared for and all of that.
And I do think how we posture ourselves either with gratitude or what's the alternative, if not with gratitude? It's.
Speaker 1
We're grumbling.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And I feel like a victim of you and my circumstances, and I don't want to be here. And that's pretty obvious, too. That sends us big message. Right.
Speaker 1
And then it creates disunity. You know, we're wanting to move toward unity, and yet, man, if we're complaining and that's all that's going on in our head, then it moves toward disunity.
Speaker 2
And we have to pursue that. At family life, our big word is oneness. We talk about moving from isolation, a tough place in your relationship, to oneness.
And oneness then empowers you to bless other people, you know, help others, have impact. And by the way, that's not linear. Isolation to oneness.
It's sort of like in life. I mean, in any given day, Nan and I can go from isolation into oneness and then back into isolation in about five seconds, it seems like. Is that true for you?
Speaker 1
Yes, it is true.
Speaker 2
I know that's life.
Speaker 1
And I'm sitting there thinking, how did we get to this? A minute ago, we were great.
Speaker 2
That's right. That's right. It's so funny how that happened. Call that dysregulation. We're going to talk more about that on this podcast in the near future.
So it ebbs and it flows, but we're always pursuing oneness. Yes, that's our family life. Word is oneness.
But in the real world, in the biblical world, I should say, the word is unity. That's the word in the Bible that gets translated. A state of oneness. It's unity.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
So, yeah, that's exactly what people want. That's what we're all going for in our relationships. And the Bible's clear. We have to pursue it actively, chase after this thing.
Speaker 1
It goes Back to Romans 12:2. The patterns of this world are not necessarily unity, and so we have to be intentional with it.
Speaker 2
Let me throw another scripture at you.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
First Corinthians 14, verse one.
Now, most people, when you say 1 Corinthians 13, they go, "What's the love of it?" Yeah, it's all about love. It's a great description—a very poetic way of looking at what love is and what it isn't.
But what's 14, verse 1? Most people have no idea.
Speaker 1
I don't know.
Speaker 2
Yeah. The first two words are pursue, Love.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
So he's just spent a whole lot of time talking about this love thing and then he says, now go get it.
Speaker 1
Wow.
Speaker 2
And the word pursue is not. Yeah, I hope you'll wander and trip over it someday and you'll, you'll discover. No, it is intentional effort.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
Focus on this thing and go after it.
Okay. So gratitude is one of those pieces that helps us chase down love. It doesn't mean you get it today. It doesn't mean it's going to materialize and be a two-way street in any difficult relationship.
But you do what you can to move in that direction and prayerfully hope and hold on to the idea that maybe someday it'll come around.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And it's that verb, pursue. That's an action word.
Speaker 2
It is. Go get it.
Speaker 1
Yes. And there are so many ways that we can do that. Some of them are really small ways.
I think about a stepmom that was telling me about her stepdaughter at a volleyball game or something. She was going to the stepmom to watch the daughter, the stepdaughter. And the stepdaughter would not acknowledge the stepmom because her biological mom was there.
I said, well, how did you react to that? And she said, well, I did the same thing. I didn't acknowledge her. I said, but you know, let's talk about our position as the adult here.
So pursuing love means that you still say, "Hey, how you doing, Sally? I'm so proud of you today," or whatever. We don't feed off of their negativity. We create our own positivity and pursue.
Speaker 2
It's so understandable why somebody would perceive rejection and then say, I'm going to dish it right back. It's understandable.
Speaker 1
It is that.
Speaker 2
That's the way we find ourselves reacting.
Speaker 1
That's the natural pattern of the world.
Speaker 2
It is. Right, but we got to overcome that.
Speaker 1
Yes, we do.
Speaker 2
Otherwise we're just see you pause and you think, can I just talk about sequencing for a second? I had no idea we were going to talk about this.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
But we're going to go there. So the way we sequence interactions in relationships is always self serving.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
So think about this stepmom. She would say, well, she rejected me first.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
I then feel justified in rejecting her. So the sequence is she did, so I did.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
But what if we asked that stepchild who did what first? What if their perspective was, well, she withholds, I can't trust her, she doesn't like me.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
There's no way, especially with my mom there.
Speaker 1
Exactly.
Speaker 2
So other people may sequence it differently than we sequence it and they make it about us and we make it about them. And everybody then has a stalemate and gridlock and no one, no one moves.
Speaker 1
Toward the other person and everyone loses.
Speaker 2
And so the first thing we got to do is recognize that our sequencing, how we justify our own behavior, is often very selfish and limited in its perspective.
You think, well, we started the day fine, but then she did this and so I rejected her. Well, maybe if you back up a day, maybe there was something you did that set her on a path of today, doing the thing.
My point is not to find blame.
Speaker 1
Right, right.
Speaker 2
That's what we're really doing is trying to assign blame. But finding blame is self-serving.
Stop trying to find blame and say it doesn't matter what they did. I have agency over how I respond.
Am I going to return in kind or am I going to pursue love and do the right thing, what love would have me to do?
Speaker 1
And I think too sometimes it's just we're projecting how they're going to behave towards us. And so we set ourselves up to be defensive, to protect ourselves instead of in our mind thinking, well, even if she doesn't acknowledge me, I'm going to acknowledge her.
So go in there with a plan. If you want to project, this is what's going to happen, we'll change what's going to happen. You do your part to change what's going to happen.
Speaker 2
And let's be realistic, you can lower your expectations in that moment. It's not like you're going in there going, I'm going to transform this whole thing.
And your attitude, no, no, no, no, no, you're not going to control or fix her on any level. What you are going to do is just be an example of the kind of thing that Jesus would have you to do.
And that is sort of the end of it. This is all I expect out of this moment is for me to act well and maybe it'll bring some influence, maybe something positive will come. But I'm not invested in that necessarily.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
What I'm invested in is just being light in this dark moment.
Speaker 1
Right. And how then that moves you hopefully toward unity in this relationship. Maybe not today. Maybe that's just a small seed that you're planting that eventually can be nourished and will grow.
Speaker 2
Okay, so I want us to jump around the other side of this conversation about gratitude, because sometimes there's just not much to be thankful for.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And somebody's listening right now going, yeah, I'm wondering when you guys are going to talk real life.
And I just don't feel like, you know, there's much for me to pursue and there's much hope, and I just want to pause and go, yep, I get it. There are moments and there are seasons in life where there is not much light coming through, and it is really difficult to feel any hope about how things might change.
And so maybe, oddly enough, in this season of thankfulness that we're all facing, with Thanksgiving around the corner, slowing down and lamenting would be an appropriate thing to do.
Speaker 1
Yeah. I mean, Ron, can I share a non step family situation with you?
Speaker 2
Sure.
Speaker 1
Because, you know, for me, my first grandchild was born out way on the other side of the world, lives there, and I am sad about that.
Speaker 2
Yes.
Speaker 1
That's not what I would want. And I have to go back to God and say, I don't feel thankful for this.
And yet I also can say, but I am thankful for what you're doing in their lives over there. I'm thankful that you've given me a healthy grandchild that was here for three weeks in the summer for our son's wedding.
My daughter sent me a video of her giggling her first little laughing. I cried. I didn't laugh with her.
Speaker 2
I cried because you weren't there. Yes. Couldn't feel it, Experience it.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
It's hard.
Speaker 1
It is hard.
Speaker 2
Lament and grief and sorrow and sadness is something we talk about frequently on this podcast and in our materials. It's something that's a big part of both of our lives. We have chant. We have walked the road of grief for different reasons and different occasions.
I have learned how to lament. And, you know, we don't. We're not going to unpack lament in a great deal today, but I just want to say that the two essential elements of it are, number one, what you just said, pouring out your sorrow to God and just going, "Lord, this stinks," and then reminding ourselves of what is true about God.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
And that's sort of the turn where you go, all right, I remember what God did in the biblical laments. They're often looking back at. Yeah, I remember you saved our people from Pharaoh's hand. I remember you brought us out of Egypt. You brought us to the. Yes. And you did this and through the prophets you did this and you've given us.
And so it's that remembering what God has done for perhaps others and perhaps yourself, you know that counting your blessings, but not in a simplistic way, but in a genuine, authentic. All right, I've seen your hand in my life, Lord, and I'm going to remember that right now because right now that seems so far away.
But I'm going to remember and I'm going to remind myself and I'm going to look again to you to see me through this dark place. That's legit.
Speaker 1
Absolutely.
Speaker 2
It's important to do.
Speaker 1
Yeah. And I think it's also trusting God that even if you don't understand the circumstance, because sometimes in step family life, we're walking through things that do not make sense to us.
Yet we've trusted God in the past with a circumstance that didn't make sense to us, and he brought good out of it.
And we're going to trust him again, even when we don't see good at the time.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And you know, I just had a friend recently text me saying, what's that psalm that you talk about, Ron? That is, that doesn't resolve, that doesn't have the turning towards.
And it's true. There is one. There's like 30 or 40 laments in the Psalms. There's one, Psalm 88, that doesn't turn the corner, that doesn't remember and remind themselves. It's just an outpouring of darkness.
And what I love about God is he gave us that. It's his way of saying, look, I know there's going to be moments when you just don't see any light, and I'm still here. Pour it out, bring it on, bring it to me. I'm not going to be offended. I'm not going to get mad at you.
Speaker 1
I can handle it.
Speaker 2
I can handle it. And I think the unwritten message is I will see you through, even though you can't see a path.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
So do that. All the other laments, though, have that reminder to self and it's so very important.
So I just want to say to our listener, our viewer, you're in a dark season. Take it to God, pour it out to him. Let him have it. He can take it.
And if you can remind yourself of who he has been, promises he's kept to others, to yourself, to the biblical characters, and remind yourself that you think he's faithful, because that's the point. He is faithful.
And at some level we turn to that and we just hope and we rely on it, even though we don't know how it's going to work out.
Speaker 1
Right. And as we move into the holidays, some holiday seasons are more joyful than others.
Some holiday seasons are great, and we can really count our blessings and we can be so thankful.
And then some holiday seasons are not as great. But know that there's always another holiday season.
Speaker 2
We've talked about this piece before. I'd love you to just comment on it.
You know, even if most things aren't going fabulous for you and your life or your family right now, there's one thing that does feel good.
Give yourself permission to enjoy it.
Speaker 1
Yes, you can hold joy and grief at the same time. Sometimes that's part of our healing as God allows us to see pieces that there is joy over here even though there's grief over here.
And don't feel guilty on days that you have good things going on. Experience those, even if you're in the midst of a season that has a lot of grief in it.
Speaker 2
Let's go back to pursuing love. And what are some strategies that people might think about this holiday season to pursue love, pursue relationship, and build oneness?
Speaker 1
Well, let's talk about traditions. I mean, isn't that a great one?
Speaker 2
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1
And for me, traditions are about finding things that you have in common with those in your family and asking for their opinion. You don't have to have all the say in it.
What do you guys want to do? What would be fun as a family? It's not drudgery; it's fun.
So everybody needs to kind of buy in and do things together that work for you as a family.
Speaker 2
I'm keying in on the word fun.
Speaker 1
Yes.
Speaker 2
Have some fun and play board games. Go outside, throw the football.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
Have fun in the kitchen, baking, making, enjoying, you know, whatever it is that is fun for the different people in your world, in your life, really. You know, be intentional.
Speaker 1
And if you're not sure how it's going to go, just try it. If it doesn't go well, then drop it, don't do it. Next year, try a different tradition. But just because you don't know how it's going to go doesn't mean you can't try it.
Speaker 2
By the way, listener, that is one of our rules of thumb around here when it comes to blended family living. If you're unsure, give it a go.
Speaker 1
Right?
Speaker 2
Right. Who knows?
Speaker 1
We don't know either how that'll go.
Speaker 2
You may think this is going to be a disaster. And then it may go really well, and you. You've discovered something that works, and then, you know, you can keep doing it, but until you give it a go, you're not really sure.
Speaker 1
Right? Yeah.
Speaker 2
So if you're new to this family journey, everything you do is not a tradition yet.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
You may be discovering a tradition that. Or something that in five years will be called a tradition.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
But you'd have to repeat it by definition for it to be a tradition.
Speaker 1
You do. You know, our family likes. Some of our family likes to get in the car and go look at Christmas lights, even to the point of kind of scoping them out. You know, you can get the top 10 in your town.
But there's some who don't like that. So one year, some of those who don't like that weren't there for the holidays; they couldn't come.
So I'm like, oh, we can do this tradition because this person's not here. So be creative in whatever works.
Speaker 2
There you go. Find what you have in common.
Visiting extended family, sometimes for blended families, that's a good thing. We're going to get to see grandma, grandparents, step grandparents, whatever the case.
That's finally an opportunity to spend some time together and maybe forge some new relationships there.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
For others, though, it can be awkward.
Speaker 1
And it can be.
Speaker 2
Probably. It's both. It's awkward and it's good.
Speaker 1
Especially in the beginning. I think definitely it's going to be awkward.
And even the whole trying to figure out the schedule, well, how do we make this work? You can almost expect that there's going to be some awkwardness, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it.
Right. Don't plan to spend the whole day there. You know, do what works.
Speaker 2
Exactly. One of the things that I was just thinking of for my family that has been so important to us is movies. Oh, yeah, we have our holiday movies and we're going to watch them and we're going to laugh again and we're going to. We're going to quote the lines for the next three days and, you know, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Those are the special opportunities.
Speaker 1
Right.
Speaker 2
That's the power of tradition, is what I'm trying to say. It becomes a marker, a thing that we kind of unite around and you look forward to. And no matter how silly it is, there's value in it. So try to pursue those as much as you can.
Speaker 1
It creates belonging as a blended family and that's what we're looking for, and traditions are really a part of that.
Speaker 2
I would like to end our time by just reading Psalm 100.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 2
And I'm just sharing this as a reminder to all of us that we have much to be grateful for, to be thankful for. And that turns into praise Psalm 100 shout for joy to the Lord all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness. Come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his, we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name, for the Lord is good and his love endures forever. His faithfulness continues through all generations.
Speaker 1
Amen.
Speaker 2
Thanks for being with me today.
Speaker 1
It's been good.
Speaker 2
If you haven't signed up for our monthly newsletter, Strengthening Step Families, gayla has a whole lot to do with that. Check the show notes for length for a link. Excuse me. We will not spam you, I promise. We're not going to send you a lot of stuff. We'll just give you some articles and helpful things, event information and encouragement. Every month. We'd love for you to leave a review or a rating that helps us find other people, helps them find us, and then they can be blessed by this podcast as well. You know, the number one email question that I often get is how do I find a qualified counselor for our marriage and family? Well, we have a growing list of smart step family therapists and coaches who have invested time and energy in learning how to be more helpful to the blended families that they serve. They've gone through my advanced clinical training and they're ready to help. So check the show notes for a link to that list and if you're a coach or a counselor, you can learn more about that training. It's Pre approved for 12 hours of continuing education and we do it two or three times a year. We'd love to have you join our list. Okay, next time. In fact, the entire month of December 2024, I'm interviewing kids. No, not grown ups looking back at their childhood, but actual young people and teenagers talking about life in a blended family from their point of view. In fact, that's what we've called it, a series from their perspective that's on the next three episodes of Family Life Blended. I'm Ron Deal, wishing you a happy Thanksgiving and Christmas season. Thank you to our production team and donors who make this podcast possible. Family Life Blended is part of the Family Life Podcast Network helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.
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