Speaker 1
Well, pull up a chair and pour yourself a cup of coffee. It's time for a heart-to-heart talk about family life.
Today on Focal Point, Pastor Mike Felvares is addressing a topic that strikes close to the heart as we raise up the next generation. You know, nothing strikes fear into the heart of a parent like the words "family crisis." Despite a culture that denigrates the importance of families in society, the Bible affirms the beauty and blessing of this fundamental unit.
Today on Focal Point, we're going to get some biblical guidance for strengthening family ties. Yes, the family is in crisis today, but God's word has wisdom for keeping yours intact.
Let's join Pastor Mike Fabarez in his study for another Ask Pastor Mike session with Focal Point's executive director, Jay Whir.
Speaker 2
Well, thank you, Dave. Pastor MIKE we have been talking about family, so I thought it'd be a good idea to discuss how we go about raising a godly family. But first, maybe you could talk a little bit about why families are important.
Speaker 3
Well, you can't get out of the first chapter of the Bible without learning that marriage and family is God's invention. It's God's idea; it's God's institution. And when you've got societies that are being blessed of God, marriage and family is important.
Consider some of these stats real quick. In the 1960s, 84% of working-class Americans were married. Today, it's 48%. Think of that—84% to 48%. Kids born in marriage: in the 1930s, virtually all children in America were born in an intact family. By 1975, it was 85%. By 1990, it was 70%. Now we're pushing almost to under 50%. I mean, it's on its way down.
So we've got kids being born outside of marriage. We've got people just saying, skip marriage. You've got, of course, abortion on the rise. Twenty percent of all pregnancies end in abortion in Manhattan. The recent stat we heard not long ago that came out in the news is that 41% of all pregnancies end in abortion in Manhattan.
I mean, if you ever want to see a fulfillment of 2 Timothy, chapter 3, that says that in the end times, as we near the return of Christ, people will be lovers of themselves, that's the world we're living in right now. People are abandoning the fidelity, the covenant, and the commitment of marriage and raising kids within a marriage, not to mention the precipitous drop in the birth rate in our country.
All of this is the deterioration of the family. We see so many things attached to that that become negative and destructive in our culture. We've come a long way, and there has been such a sharp decline in the valuing of this thing that God said in Genesis 1 he would build society on: marriage and family.
Speaker 2
Are we seeing the same kind of drops in marriage and kids in the Christian community as well?
Speaker 3
Yeah, it's not, of course, as bad, but it's not what it should be. There's such a huge increase of out of wedlock births. It has gone just through the roof.
And I know some people think, well, that's those teenagers, right? You know, only 7% of out of wedlock births are to girls under 18. This is a huge problem in our country, and it is a major problem.
The Bible's teaching on marriage and family needs to be re-emphasized in our generation. It's one of the important broadcasts that we do is bring the scripture to bear to show its relevance to our culture as it relates to this topic of marriage.
Speaker 2
So how would you counsel young people today in terms of marriage and getting married?
Speaker 3
Yeah, well, we need to stop with this fear of commitment. And this is the problem. We want a life without being committed to anything. We want memberships with no contracts. It's absurd. We need to get back to the reality that the grace of God is manifest in our lives, in our society, when we engage in the things that are important to him. And one of the things that's important to him is commitment, covenant fidelity, faithfulness. Sticking with the reality of what I commit myself to, whether it's a mortgage or a marriage. I mean, we need to return to these things.
Now, of course, one is sacred, our marriage, but one is important as well to our society. And that's the covenants that we make, the commitments that we make, we need to keep those. Think about Jesus. We shouldn't need an 80-page contract to buy a car or a house. The Bible says, listen, let your yes be yes and your no be no. We should be people who say what we're going to do and we carry that out.
And so I would say to young people, listen, don't be afraid of marriage. Don't put it off as our culture has done. We continue to push marriage later and later in life and there's a lot of reasons related to that. But we need to be ready to say, as God has designed us, almost everyone. I mean, obviously there is the exception of those that are gifted to be single, but most of us are going to be married in our lives. We need to be ready to assume the responsibilities and make those commitments, keep those commitments, and remain faithful to this divine covenant of marriage.
Speaker 2
Well, obviously, you can't start raising a godly family until you have a family.
So let's talk to those that are married and have kids. What is the biblical command to raising a godly family?
What, in general, are the principles that we should be looking at as a family?
Speaker 4
Right.
Speaker 3
Well, I started this conversation by saying you can't get out of the first chapter of the Bible without seeing that marriage and family is God's idea and how central it is to creation. That's the answer is going to the word of God and our kids that we're trying to raise. In a society that diminishes faithfulness and covenant and commitment and marriage, we need to transfer the biblical principles to our children every part of our lives.
During the day, when I can interact with my children, what needs to be coming up periodically in my conversation are the truths of God's word, which means we read the Bible, we talk about the Bible, we discuss the principles of the Bible, and we have that role as parents.
And it needs to be something that we assume is a responsibility before God to teach our kids and raise them in the instruction and the admonition of the Lord. That means that we need to be in the word of God and we need to be discussing and imparting the word of God to our kids.
Speaker 2
Pastor Mike, maybe you could talk a little bit about how you do that in your own family. And I know you have developed some resources that you've used with your own children. Maybe you could talk a little bit about that and how they work.
Speaker 3
Yeah, I know in the past you've made that available through Focal Point here, and I hope it's helpful. It was a program I designed that I did not intend to use outside of my own family. I called it Bible Survey for Kids when I had to give it a title. But it was just walking my children through the basics of biblical information, starting with Genesis and running all the way through Revelation.
I would have so many people that would come over to my house, and they would see the bulletin board with all this information on it. With each kid, we would work through all the books of the Bible and build this chart and how everything worked together and the principles of God's word. So I had enough people asking me, "We'd like to do that. Where did you get that?" And so I just put it together in a way that I could hand the notebooks to another parent and say, "Here's how you can impart the basic biblical information," kind of a survey format of the whole Bible.
You can get that into the lives of your kids just with a half an hour, 20 minutes a day, depending on how old your kids are. It's an easy way to go about helping our kids understand the lay of the land in the Bible. It gives us the opportunity every day to talk about the application of God's Word through Bible Survey for Kids.
For older kids, I've written something called Beyond Bible Basics, which is kind of a way that parents can disciple their children in dealing not just with biblical information, but also with some of the things that have to happen to understand the gospel. These include concepts that need to connect with their minds, such as what it means that God is holy, loving, just, and our creator.
Once we become Christians, what does it mean to resist temptation? How do we go about daily personal Bible study? What does it mean to pray, and how do I organize some of my prayer concerns in a prayer list? That's a program that's available, too. I don't know if you're going to make that available here on Focal Point.
Speaker 2
But it is also available on the website.
Speaker 4
Yes. Great.
Speaker 3
It's a way that you can maybe take a preteen or even a young teenager and just help them put together some of the basics of what it means to have spiritual disciplines embedded in their daily lives.
Speaker 2
Well, thank you, Pastor Mike. I trust that this has been a helpful and practical discussion for our listeners.
And we're going to conclude today by listening to a message from the Passing the Baton series called Avoiding the Common Sins In Parenting.
Speaker 4
Sin is a big problem. Problem is that entrenched churchgoers like us tend to think it's a big problem for someone else. Right? For after all, our sins have all been dealt with on the cross, problem solved. Right?
Speaker 3
Good.
Speaker 4
Take a look at these sobering words here in Hebrews 10. Drop all the way down to verse number 26. If we, here's the key word, deliberately keep on sinning after we've received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left. As a matter of fact, verse 27 says poignantly, so all you've got to look forward to is a fearful expectation of judgment and the raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Gulp. I mean, that's tough.
Two chapters later, maybe you're thinking, well, hey, I'm regenerate. I know that I am. My relationship to sin has changed. I don't have the same reaction to it that I used to. I don't deliberately sin. Well, maybe Hebrews 12 would remind us that maybe we're not taking sin as seriously as we ought to.
Take a look at this text with me. Hebrews 12. Look at verse number four. You've not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. That's hyperbolus, I assume, because he's trying to remind them. Well, you know, you're trying to not sin, but it's, you know, really not a struggle. I mean, you're not willing to really shed your blood over this matter. You're not working hard to resist sin.
Speaker 3
Here's the deal.
Speaker 4
You need to know and remember these words of encouragement that are addressed to you as sons. He says, "my son," as he quotes this Old Testament text, which he's going to elaborate on in verses seven and following. But he says in verse five, "don't make light of the Lord's discipline and do not lose heart when he, another harsh word, rebukes you." Because the Lord disciplines those he loves. And here's a really strong word, he punishes. It's the word scourging. It's not the condemnation of the lake of fire, but it is God's spankings everyone he accepts as a son. Unless, of course, you're perfect. But the point is, he expects us to redouble our efforts against sin. Because if we are careless in our Christian life, then we've got the discipline, rebuke, and spanking of God to look forward to. Sin is a big deal.
Therefore, we ought to declare war against the common sins in parenting, if indeed what I'm about to do here is to open up God's word. If these are truly sins that are identifiable in God's word, then these aren't parenting suggestions and these aren't parenting tips. This is sin. You really need to declare war on these things.
Sin to avoid number one: child idolatry. Child. I know he's trying to poke his finger in our eye. Listen, I'm not trying to be pejorative. I just want to tell you that if we set our children up in our hearts in a place that when conflict comes between my loyalty to God and my loyalty to my kids, then we have made an idol of our children because God has asked all of his creatures to recognize him as God. And you know what your God is? Here's an easy way to define it: whatever you love the most. Whatever you love the most, that's your God.
You need to understand that the most important thing in the Bible is that you recognize God as the supreme love of your life. When Jesus was asked, "What's the greatest commandment?" what did he say? "Love your kids?" Is that what he said? It's under the umbrella of the second greatest command, but the first, which he was clear to distinguish from the second, is this: the first and the foremost, that you love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind. That's where we start. Whatever you love the most is the controlling factor of your life.
Here's how Jesus put it to some people that loved money the most. In Matthew, chapter six, he said in verse 24, "No one can serve two masters." Well, yeah, I can. I've gotten really good at it. No, you can't, because at some point, those interests will collide, and in that case, you'll either hate the one and love the other, or you'll be devoted to the one and despise the other. You can't serve both God and whatever your idol is. In the context here, it's money.
You ask in our community, and I've done it, and I've asked people, "What's the most important thing in your life?" And you know what the answer is. Nineteen times out of twenty, it's "my kids." Our sins are considered by our culture to be a virtue. You understand that? Our sins, child idolatry, are viewed by our culture as a virtue. And if you choose to reject that sin and repent of it, your neighbors will think you're bad parents. Because that is the expectation. Everyone does it.
And I pick up Christian books on parenting, and I find they unabashedly basically adopt the same philosophy. Should we love our kids? Well, yeah, love your kids. That'd be a good thing. Love your wife.
Speaker 3
That'd be a good thing.
Speaker 4
But God is asking to be the supreme love of your life. Matter of fact, he's demanding that it's commanded, and it's the only way to get everything else right in your life is to start by loving God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind. Child idolatry, I believe, is clearly at odds with the first thing God ever wrote and the primary command of the Scripture. So we've got to correct that.
Here's another thing. I mean, God has called us to be a people of faith. And the antithesis of faith is what? Fear, anxiety, worry. Let's jot this one down. The second parenting sin, which can be about your 401k or your retirement, is anxious. In this case, parenting number two, that's the second sin that we've got to avoid. Because the antithesis of faith is fear. The scripture paints that picture all the time. For instance, Proverbs 29:25 states, "The fear of man proves to be a snare. It traps you and it holds you there. But whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."
God is looking for faith in our lives. We could be talking about retirement, we could be talking about health. We're talking about parenting right now, and I'm telling you it is a sin for you to make parental decisions that are birthed from an anxious, worried, fearful heart. Sin. Because here's what the Bible says in Philippians, chapter four, verse six. Do you know that memory verse?
And again, if the world is saying the most important thing in my life is my kids, right, then here's what the world says about this one. Well, it's a parent's job to worry. You know, that's just our job. We just have to. I mean, it's a mother's job to worry. We're intoxicated in thinking that our sin is somehow a virtue. It's not a virtue issue; it's an abomination to God. And we cannot make parental decisions based on fear.
As a matter of fact, I find the Christian community kicks fear into overdrive when it comes to parenting. And I think to myself, we're worse than the world in this regard. How is that? Well, it's because we don't understand passages like this. Philippians, chapter 4, verse 6 says, "Do not be anxious, except about like the important things, like your kids' safety." Is that what it says? No, it says, "Do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, by prayer and petition."
We're not asking you to be oblivious. We want you to pray and to petition God with thanksgiving. Because we have God, who according to Deuteronomy, is a God who is near us every time we pray. Unlike the gods of the people, we've got God and his attention—the one who holds the universe in his hand. Present your requests to him. And if you do that, you transfer your anxiety to prayer.
Then the Bible promises this: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." And finally, brothers, whatever may hurt, whatever may steal, whatever may scrape, whatever may scar, whatever may kidnap, whatever may... I'm sorry, I'm reading that wrong, aren't I? I always get that wrong.
Speaker 3
Think about such things.
Speaker 4
No, whatever is what. True, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, anything excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. And whatever you've learned or received or heard from me or seen in me, put it into practice and the God of peace will be with you.
And yet, most of our decisions about where we live, what we allow our kids to do, where we allow our kids to go, what they get involved in, is based on fear. Because our minds are not thinking of the positive that comes from doing what is right in this world. Driven by faith, it's driven by fear. And we're always thinking about all the bad things that could go wrong. That, by the way, is the definition of anxiety. Anxiety is a mind fixated on all the things that can go wrong. It drives a whole industry at Babies R Us, really.
But here's the thing we've learned about worry from our Lord Jesus Christ. It does absolutely no good to worry. We can put all the safeguards in place that we want. We can guard the city all night long. But unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman watches in vain; worry is useless. Anxiety and fear are not only abhorrent to God and a sin that Christ had to die for, but they also don't do any good.
Thirdly, as though we needed a third point here: sin to avoid. How about this one? Self-centered kids. Please don't raise self-centered kids. Well, I'm trying not to, really, because you know, the world thinks raising self-centered kids is a virtue. Here's the third thing I hear parents say constantly: "I just want them to be happy. That's all I want. I want them to go in life and do whatever they want to do. I want them to be whatever they want to be." If you say that and mean that, you're in sin, because that's not the constitution of the Bible for us. It is not about raising children who do what they want to do in this world and just find happiness.
Why then are we training our kids to have a pumped-up self-esteem? That's not my goal for my kids because it's not God's goal for me. Back to Philippians. Philippians chapter 2 has the corrective for us, and that is that we do nothing out of selfishness or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others as better than yourself. That's how we're supposed to live. And in my house, that should be the governing principle.
He says each of you should not only look out for your own interests. I know my kids have to brush their own teeth every morning, but they should be looking out for the interests of others. Better yet, they ought to be looking out for the glory of God as is typified in Christ's life. Look at verse number five. Here's the most important phrase in this passage: "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."
And he was all about being happy and doing what he wanted in life and just kind of being all he could be. Is that it? No, as a matter of fact, he was willing to put God's agenda first. And in putting God's agenda first, God took care of everything else. He humbled himself, and God exalted him. We're teaching our kids to be exalting themselves, thinking that God won't hold true to his promise that whoever exalts himself will be debased or humbled. God asks us to humble ourselves, and if we humble ourselves, he will exalt us.
Let's let God worry about all the stuff that every other parent wants their kid to experience. And let's try and get our kid to adopt the basic Christian principle of Matthew, chapter 6, verse 33, which simply says, after all that discussion about worrying about getting all the stuff in life that you think you need, he says, "Don't worry about all that stuff. Here's what you need to do." Do you know the verse, Sunday school grads? What is it? "Seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Don't worry about that stuff. You worry about the kingdom of God. Put that first. Make God's agenda your family goal.
Speaker 3
Make it your goal.
Speaker 4
Make it clear to your kids that we go to school, not so that you can get a great education, make a great living, and have the house you really want. Let's make sure that we recognize that we go to school so that your mind can be equipped to bring glory to God and be useful in the kingdom. Because the world's philosophy on parenting hasn't really produced much that I'm impressed with. How about you?
Let's get back to God's word. Let's get back to the truth of God's word. Let's start loving God supremely, trusting God completely, and glorifying God in everything.
Let's pray. God, we don't want to be idolaters. We don't want to be anxious. We don't want to produce self-centered children. May we raise people that are Christ-like. May they learn the principles of seeking first the kingdom. May they be raised with parents who seek the kingdom first and let all the other things work themselves out because the righteousness of God comes first. The agenda of God's kingdom comes first.
One day we'll stand before you, and I don't want to be in trouble with you, God, for not giving them the straight scoop on the things that clearly in your word must be an offense to you as you look down on us doing all the wrong things as it relates to this.
So God, we want to correct it, and we can. I know there are many here that are doing it right, and I praise you for that. But God, to the extent that we're slipping up, I pray you'd help us strengthen our hearts. God, change us for your glory. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Speaker 1
You're listening to a portion of a message called "Avoiding the Common Sins in Parenting" here on Focal Point, and you can listen to the complete, unedited version when you visit Focal Point Radio. You know parenting's a hard job, but a vital one to safeguard future generations. But isn't that our goal as a society?
At Focal Point, we continually strive to bring you the insights you need to be fully equipped yourself so you can equip the generation that follows. You can be part of the essential team that makes this happen when you become a Focal Point Partner. This vital group of generous friends fuels our ministry with a set monthly donation as you share our passion for accurate line-by-line, verse-by-verse study. Sign up to become a Focal Point Partner today. Call us at 888-320-5885 or give online at focalpointradio.org.
Whether you give monthly as a Focal Point Partner or give a single one-time gift today, we'll say thanks with a brand new book by Pastor Mike Fabarez called "10 Mistakes People Make About Heaven, Hell, and the Afterlife." While some beliefs are a matter of preference, the fundamental questions about life and death answered in the Bible are confirmed by objective fact. So isn't it worth exploring what the prophets and the Old and New Testaments have revealed about that? This book will sharpen your thinking on issues that people wonder about regarding the afterlife.
Pastor Mike's book "10 Mistakes People Make" is yours when you give a financial gift today by calling 888-320-5885 or by going online to focalpointradio.org. You can also write to Focal Point at our address: PO Box 2850, Laguna Hills, CA 92654.
And if you haven't downloaded our podcast or the Focal Point app for your smartphone, you'll want to do that today. It's free! Find helpful links at Focal Point Radio.
I'm Dave Drouy, wishing you a restorative weekend ahead. Pastor Mike Fabarez returns with more about honoring God in our family life Monday on Focal Point. Today's program was produced and sponsored by Focal Point Ministries.
Speaker 2
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