A New Beginning

Dave Dane: The Lord had the original plan for the family, and Pastor Greg Laurie says it's still the best plan, the one that works.

Greg Laurie: There's a new phrase you hear today: Trad Dad. That's basically a traditional father. They believe in discipline. They provide for their families. They protect their families. They lead their families spiritually. Some call this toxic masculinity. I call it godly leadership. And we need more of it.

Dave Dane: We all have a father we can look up to. Even if the man we called Dad was a disappointment or abusive or just less than loving, we have a Father in heaven who loves us. And today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie points out even if we never knew our earthly father, God is there for us. How does Pastor Greg know? From first-hand experience. Today, he brings us a powerful message called "How to Be a Father When You Were Fatherless."

Interesting thing about Father’s Day is it is the holiday where people spend the least amount of money. It's way behind Mother's Day, it's behind Valentine's Day, it's behind Halloween. So Dads, that's why you maybe didn't even get a card today. And maybe you got a pair of socks or something like that. That's an unfortunate thing, because the reality is that fathers play such an important role in our culture right now. They really do.

In fact, it's the absence of fathers that is the root of almost all of our societal ills. I could barrage you all day with stats to prove that, but here's just a few. A child born in a fatherless home is 68% more likely to use drugs or alcohol. 85% of all youths sitting in prison are from fatherless homes. 63% of teens who attempt suicide, again, from fatherless homes. Fatherless sons are 300% more likely to become incarcerated.

Fatherless daughters who marry have a 92% higher divorce rate, and fatherless sons are 35% more likely to experience marital failure. Fatherless daughters are 111% more likely to have children as teenagers and 164% more likely to have an out-of-wedlock birth. We desperately need fathers doing what God has called them to do.

The Bible says a child that is left to himself is a grief to his mother. And by that, the Bible is saying when you don't parent a child and establish the parameters and the absolutes and the values that they so desperately need, they're going to bring shame to you later in life. I feel like right now we're looking at a generation of unparented children that desperately need dads in their life.

They've been left to social media or their peers or in some cases on the campuses, liberal professors that fill their heads with Marxist and anti-Christian and anti-Semitic propaganda, and then we see the results. In many ways, fathers are the unsung heroes in our nation today. Billy Graham said, and I quote, "A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society," end quote. And that is very true.

So thank God for every godly father out there. And you know, this isn't just true among humanity, believe it or not, it's also true in the animal kingdom. I read an interesting account in James Merritt's book about fathering, where he pointed out in Kruger National Park, and that's in South Africa, there were orphaned young elephants who were relocated without older bulls or father elephants, if you will, and they began attacking rhinos.

They had never seen this before. The young elephants were attacking rhinos and killing them. And they realized after researching this and looking into it that they needed the older elephants brought back in. So they relocated some older bull elephants, put them in the park, and everything sorted itself out. And one expert actually concluded, even in the animal world, the presence of father figures is essential to civil behavior, discipline, and relational decorum with others.

Now, there's a new phrase you hear today: Trad Dad. Heard that? Trad Dad. Now, that's basically a traditional father. These are like the old school dads. They tell lame dad jokes. That's an essential, right? They like to grill. They believe in responsibility. They believe in discipline. They provide for their families. They protect their families. They lead the way for their families spiritually. Some call this toxic masculinity. I call it godly leadership. And we need more of it.

One person put it this way: "Being a Trad Dad does not mean you're stuck in the past. It means you're standing firm in the chaos." And that's what we need, more men to stand firm in the chaos. Now, some of you may have had a Trad Dad. And then others may have had a passive dad. I'll call him a sad dad in contrast to a Trad Dad. They're in the home, but they're not leading it. They're friendly, but they're not firm. They're agreeable, but they're not godly in direction.

Here's a little newsflash: your children don't need another buddy, they need a father. A father. And yes, you're going to say those father clichés: "When I was a boy," or "You need to be responsible," "You need to be a good strong leader." Let me contrast Trad Dads and sad dads, or passive fathers and godly fathers. Passive fathers avoid conflict, godly fathers resolve it.

Passive dads go with the flow, godly fathers lead with conviction. Passive fathers want to be liked, godly fathers want to be respected. Passive fathers ignore problems, godly dads tackle problems head-on. Passive dads follow culture, godly dads follow Christ. Now, in my case, I didn't have a dad at all. You know my story, my mom was married and divorced seven times. And I never had a father growing up.

In fact, the guy that I thought was my father, I found out when I was around 23 or 24, he was not my father. Though his name was on my birth certificate. And here's how I found out he wasn't my dad. I always had these bad feelings about this guy, even though I lived with him for a very short time before my mom left him, and I didn't know why I had these feelings because I was such a little kid. But I found out later why.

My aunt said, "Oh yeah, we would go over to the house and you'd be in a high chair and he'd be smacking your feet with a ruler because you weren't eating your food." No wonder I didn't like the guy. And why did you let him slap me with a ruler when I was a baby? Could've used a little help there. But I always sensed that this man had no love for me, even though technically he's my biological father because his name's on my birth certificate.

So our son Christopher is born. And I was very young when he was born, I was 22. And I thought, well, he should meet his biological grandfather. So I called my mom, I said, "Hey, where is he living now?" "Oh yeah, he lives here and works over at this place," he had a dry cleaners. So I went over there, showed up with my wife, my newborn son, and I said, "Hi, I don't know if I called him Dad. I said, I'm Greg, I'm your son. This is your grandson."

He didn't even come out from behind the counter. He just looked and went, "Oh, okay." "No, this is your grandson." "Yeah." And we left and drove away and I said to Kathy, "That man is not my father." If a man was your father, he would have reacted differently to his biological grandson. So I asked one of my aunts, "So I had this experience," I told her about it and I said, "I don't think he's my dad." She said, "How did you know?" I said, "I didn't until you just said that."

So that's very disappointing, of course, to find out, and I never had a father figure growing up. I found out in reality I was the result of a one-night stand. My mom had a fling in Long Beach and she got pregnant and got this other guy to put his name on the birth certificate and so forth. Now, I know what some of you are thinking: "What kind of a messed-up Father's Day message is this? I came here to be encouraged, maybe some tips on grilling, and you're giving us this sob story."

Well, I hope it will be a hopeful message because here's what I really want to say: even if you've been dealt a hand like this in life, God can step in and change the story. That's my message. Don't think this only applies to dads. It's really applying to mentors, father figures, and stepdads. Thank God for stepdads who in many cases step in when the biological father stepped out.

Dave Dane: Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a minute. We love to hear stories of how lives have been changed through the teaching of God's Word.

Guest (Female): Hi, Pastor Greg. I'm very thankful for your gospel messages that helped lead my mother-in-law to Christ. That then trickled down to my husband and finally reached me. At that time, I was part of a religious group that I thought was teaching the truth, but found out the real truth by listening to you teach the Bible and then my own study in God's Word. I now know Jesus personally and feel led to share the truth of Jesus with them also. Thank you.

Dave Dane: How have these studies in God’s Word touched your life? If you have a story to share, why not call us and let us know? Call 1-866-871-1144. That’s 866-871-1144. And now Pastor Greg continues his message called "How to Be a Father When You Are Fatherless."

Greg Laurie: Here's my first point if you're taking notes. Number one: you're not defined by your past. You're not defined by your past. You may have a Trad Dad, a sad dad, or no dad, you're not defined by your past. And I think sometimes people think, well, I'm just going to repeat this behavior. I've heard people talk about generational curses. And they base this on the passage where Scripture says the sins of the parents are visited on the children.

So there's a curse on your family and you're going to just perpetuate that curse and you need to go and get the curse broken. I don't believe in generational curses, but I do believe in repeated behavior. And there's no question that if you come from an alcoholic home, the chances are higher that you could potentially become an alcoholic. If you come from a divorced home, chances are higher that you too could end up getting a divorce.

That's true, that's an undeniable fact. But listen to this: God can break the cycle of sin in your family. Doesn't matter. I already told you my mom was married and divorced seven times. I've been married over 52 years, okay? So, and I don't drink and that's never been a problem for me. So this is something that can happen in your life. Don't use that an excuse for repeating bad behavior. God can change the story, God can step in.

You think of David, who was the son of Jesse. And Jesse had seven other sons. And the prophet Samuel shows up one day to anoint the next king of Israel. And he said, "Bring out your sons, Jesse." And Jesse trotted them out and they were fine-looking, strapping young men. And most notable was one named Eliab that was a little taller than the others. And as the prophet walked down the line and looked at these sons, the Lord said, "This is not the one. This is not the one. This is not the one."

So Samuel finally says, "Jesse, do you have any more sons?" "Yeah, I have one other. He's out in the field, he watches the sheep. His name is David." "Well, bring him in." In comes David, bounding with youthful energy, and the Lord showed Samuel, "That's the one." So David was in many ways neglected by his father. In fact, David wrote in one of his psalms, "When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up."

So here's the thing: God says He will be a father to the fatherless. God can be the father you never had. And that's very important. You may not have had an earthly father or you may not have had a good earthly father, but you do have a Father in heaven who loves you. A Father in heaven who thinks about you constantly. A Father in heaven that is looking out for your ultimate good. A Father in heaven who has always been there.

I mentioned we were just back in Israel and we went to the Garden Tomb. That is believed by many to be the place where Christ actually rose from the dead. And as we were standing there, we reflected once again on the resurrection account in the gospel of John, where Mary goes to the tomb early in the morning to anoint the dead body of Jesus and there she meets the risen Lord. She grabs on him so tightly, she's probably cutting the circulation off in his ankle.

He says, "Mary, don't touch me." A better way to translate that is, "Don't cling to me, Mary." Effectively saying, "Mary, a new covenant is going to be established now." And then Jesus says, "Because I'm going to my God and to your God, I'm going to my Father and to your Father." That was a revolutionary thought for a first-century Jew. They would never think of calling God Almighty, the Holy One, Father.

But that's what Jesus was saying: you too now can call Him Father. How did Jesus instruct us in the Lord's Prayer to address God? He said, "After this manner therefore pray," you know it: "Our Father," say it with me: "Our Father who art in heaven." So we have a Father in heaven. Number two: even if you did not have a father, you can be a good father. Even if you did not have a father, you can be a good father.

Now, when Christopher was born, my first son, I realized that I knew absolutely nothing about fathering. I had no role model, I had no point of reference. But I did the best I could do. I talked to other dads, I read books on fathering. I wanted to give him in many ways a childhood I never had. I think I spoiled him for sure. I agree with the statement of James Dobson when he said, "Every parent owes their first child an apology," and there's some truth to that.

But I wanted him to have a wonderful childhood. Bringing me to point number three: children are on loan to us for a short time. I mentioned Christopher, he went to be with the Lord 16 years ago. And that makes Father's Day a difficult day for me because I miss my son. But it's just a reminder they're with us a short time. We think they're always going to be there, but they are there, but we want them to grow up and move out and start their own families.

You don't want your kids living with you in their 40s, okay? So our job is to help them mature and become responsible and go live their own lives. Psalm 127 says children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. And the word "heritage" means a gift. Our children are not ours to mold but to unfold. They belong to God. And our job is to raise them up in the way that they should go.

Sometimes you'll hear parents saying, "We haven't had any problems with our kids. Our kids are wonderful and they respect us and they do what we tell them to do. They're the best kids ever." And they're giving advice to other parents. Okay, how old are your kids? Oh, two and three. Shut up. Talk to me after you've survived the teen years and they're young adults, and then maybe you can talk to us a little bit about parenting.

But I think we as parents, especially as fathers, should live in such a way where our child will want to emulate us. Proverbs 30:7 says, "A righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him." Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11, "Follow my example as I follow the example of God." So we should say, "Follow my example. Watch the way that I live." Now, you're going to make mistakes as a father and as a mother.

But you tell the children, "Follow the way that I live," because dads, I don't want to lay too much pressure on you, but you're a living link to God. In many ways, the early ideas a child will form about God will be based on their relationship with you, their father. I've told you the story before of a little boy that was scared going to bed and he yelled out, "Daddy, Daddy, I'm scared of the dark."

And the father said, "Now, son, God is with you, don't be worried." "No, Daddy, Daddy, come in here right now!" "No, son, I don't need to come in there, you're okay, God is with you." And the little boy said, "But right now I need someone with skin on." A father is God with skin on. I'm not saying you're God, but I'm saying you're a representative of God. So live in that way.

Dave Dane: Great encouragement today from Pastor Greg Laurie from his message called "How to Be a Father When You Were Fatherless." And you know, as we talk about being a father and having a father, it's an important time to ask you if you have a relationship with your heavenly Father. Have you ever come to Him and asked Him to forgive your sins so you can join Him in heaven when this life is over? Pastor Greg, what would you say to the person listening who's not sure if they've ever come to the Lord and asked Him to be their Savior?

Greg Laurie: Yes, I think they need to make this commitment to Christ. Here's what the Bible says: whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved. So you need to reach out to God. Not just think about it, not just say, "One of these days I would like to," just do it. In fact, you can do it right now. You say, "Well, how do I call out to the name of the Lord?" You do it through prayer.

God is just a prayer away. He desires a relationship with you. He wants you to know Him. He wants to reveal Himself to you. So you just need to call out and say, "Lord, save me and help me." How about if I lead you in a prayer? And you could pray this prayer after me. You can pray it out loud if you like, you can pray it quietly in your heart, but direct this prayer toward God and you can pray it after me right now. You ready? Pray this after me.

Lord Jesus, I know that I'm a sinner, but I know that You're the Savior. And I want a relationship with You. So as Your Word says, I'm calling on the name of the Lord. I'm asking You to save me from my sin. And I'm asking that we begin a new relationship today. Thank You for loving me and sending Your Son Jesus to die on the cross for my sin and then raising Him from the dead. I now put my faith and trust in Jesus Christ. And I ask this in Jesus' name, Amen.

Dave Dane: Amen. If you have just prayed that prayer along with Pastor Greg and you've meant those words sincerely, well, let us be the first to welcome you into the family of God. And we want to help you get started off right in this new daily walk with the Lord. Pastor Greg would like to send you his New Believer's Bible. It's a special edition of God's Word for those who are new to the faith, with scores of helps for new believers written by Pastor Greg.

So get in touch and ask for the New Believer's Bible. We'll send it your way free of charge. Just call 1-800-821-3300. That's 1-800-821-3300. Or go online to harvest.org and click "Know God." And then let us take a moment to thank you for praying for this ministry and for supporting it through your generous donation. It's an investment in kingdom business, isn't that right, Pastor Greg?

Greg Laurie: It's really true, Dave. And I believe it's so important because the gospel saves lives. It saves eternal lives because when a person believes in Jesus, according to Scripture, they pass from darkness to light, from the power of Satan to the power of God. And then, of course, that changes the course of their future. That impacts their children and their children's children. The gospel changes everything.

And thousands and thousands of people respond every single year thanks to the Lord, also thanks to you for your investment in this ministry enabling us to reach people wherever they are. So if this is something you care about, I encourage you to make a financial investment in A New Beginning and Harvest Ministries.

Dave Dane: Yeah, that's right. And we really do appreciate your support. Thanks for partnering with us today. It can make a real difference, not just for today or this week, but for eternity. So get in touch with your support today by calling 1-800-821-3300. That's a 24/7 phone number: 1-800-821-3300. Or go online to harvest.org. Well, next time, more biblical insight on how to be a godly father to our kids. Good encouragement with Father's Day coming up. Join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and Bible teacher Greg Laurie.