by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Philippians 2:4
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Obviously, Paul couldn't have been reading my heart early in my marriage, but it certainly sounds like it. I wanted to look to my own interests, and to do my own thing.

On Saturdays I would get Cokes and chips, crawl into my chair and settle down to watch hours of baseball, football, tennis and golf. Unfortunately, these actions produced an unhappy wife who had other ideas for how to spend the weekend!

According to Greek legend, Narcissus was enamored with his reflection in a still, clear pool. He sat admiring himself so long that he became rooted to the spot, giving his name to the bright yellow flowers of springtime.

Like the Greek figure Narcissus, we Americans have by and large become so mesmerized by our own reflections, our own needs and interests, that we are indifferent to the needs of others. We no longer know much about self-sacrifice and self-denial. As Christopher Lasch wrote in his book, The Culture of Narcissism, many people believe that "satisfaction depends on taking what you want instead of waiting for what is rightfully yours to receive."

Lasch also wrote that the very institutions that might have been thought to counter selfishness-the school, the church and the family-have let us down. He adds, "To live for the moment is the prevailing passion-to live for yourself, not for your predecessors or posterity."

The authors of our commercials know us very well. They shout: We do it all for you....Don't you really deserve a Buick?...You deserve the best today at McDonald's....L'Oreal: because you're worth it!

I once met a pastor who frequented Christian bookstores and libraries for the sole purpose of avoiding his wife. And I have counseled women who spend countless hours shopping, not for their families but to gratify themselves.

Is Narcissus, or the selfless Christ the ideal in your family?

Prayer:

That the selflessness of Christ will characterize you and your family.

Discuss: What are your spouse's top three needs right now? What could you do to meet them? What happens in your marriage when one of you becomes too preoccupied with your own desires? Give some specific examples.

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